It’s that time of the month again, only I’m not bitchy and stopping myself from sitting on white furniture, nope it’s time for Branded! The November issue may be a little later than usual, but at least its here. Right? Merry freakin’ Christmas.
Terror in the Ring
New superstar Muhammad Hassan is going to make (or has made by the time of this writing) his debut on RAW this December. A lot of people are up in arms because of the angle in which the Arab American wrestler is taking part in. He claims to feel victimized and treated as nothing but a suspect since September 11th, and his pre-filmed promos have been cut in English as well as Arabic. He says that he’s an American citizen who has been prejudged and basically treated badly since that fateful day in history. People look at him as public enemy number one and he wants to talk about this. A lot.
In his first promo he was nice, he just wanted us to “understand” him. However something was still “off” about his impassioned plea. When his manager translated what he said into Arabic, there was tension in the crowd (or what sounded like tension). But then over the weeks since his first appearance, he has become increasingly aggressive and angry. And from a guy who doesn’t want to be labeled as a terrorist, it sure sounds like he’s “threatening” everyone. With words like, “I’m going to make you all understand what I feel! By force if necessary!” Well, I’m paraphrasing, but you get the picture. These ambiguous threats sound like veiled references akin to terrorism, and if that’s what it is then, wow. How f***ing hilarious is that?
Well, it’s hilarious in a sad way. The WWE will do just about anything to get a heel over. It’s cheesy but maybe it will work. Does anyone remember Mordecai? When he damned the audience to hell? That was a classic. Too bad he didn’t make it. People thought that his overly religious, damned near fanatical and fundamentalist “I’m gonna start a crusade up in this muhfuh” type of promos were over the top too. I guess the point is, that the WWE will do whatever it takes to stir up controversy, whether it’s the subversive alleged drug reference tactics of “Wanna Get High? SMACK your TV!” or just humping dead people in coffins. But is this kind of promo, the kind from Hassan, too much, too soon?
Sure, when the Gulf war happened, there was Sergeant Slaughter, and of course we all had some laughs with the Iron Sheik and even poked fun at the Cold War with Nikolai Volikoff—so the xenophobic, racist angles are just common place anyway—but is using one of the most horrific attacks on US soil to exploit and manipulate peoples’ feelings for some heel action only three years since the right thing to be doing? I know the WWE pushes the envelope, but isn’t this just a little insensitive?
Maybe in about ten years this kind of angle would be okay…well not okay but less offensive than it seems now. People hating and blaming Arab Americans and Muslims for 9/11 is very current and very real…its not like making fun of the Cold War, and it’s a far cry from Operation Desert Storm. People are still hurting from this thing, and the feelings are still fresh. Isn’t there the potential to stir up more insensitivity, more prejudice, more hate? And isn’t it just a little tasteless for Hussan to be making veiled “terrorist” threats to the audiences in the arena and the superstars backstage? Saying shit like, “I’m going to make you FEEL WHAT I FEEL…” and what have you is really not very…well shit. I gotta admit, the absurdity of a wrestler making a “terrorist threat” (when the most terror he can cause is not jobbing to HHH) is hilarious, and evidence further implies that this is what the company was trying to do, when on the last RAW, Hussan made all of the lights go off in the arena, saying, “Do you like how that feels? This is how Arab Americans feel everyday after 9/11!” And he implies that there will be more “scare tactics” like this to come. Sure, all he did was turn out the lights, but the implications are audacious. If that little “scare” tactic of, “Now you know how it feels, there’s a preview” wasn’t supposed to have some sort of terrorism connotation, then I’ll be damned.
Damned to hell! Right Mordecai? Hey, where are you anyway?
I don’t know. Everyone was in a tizzy about Eugene when he came in, and now everyone is completely won over by the guy. For now, we’ll just have to see how tasteful/less this thing with Hussan can be. As long as I don’t see the kid in on tape with a Bin Laden look-alike, I’ll be okay.
RAW—The Month In Review: November 2004
Week One, November 1st, 2004—Here’s Simon!
Snitsky over Eugene in a hardcore match may be a direct result from Eugene’s refusal of Regal’s help. He wanted to do it on his own, and he did. He lost. Big time.
”Without me, RAW is nothing.” Trips says as he talks about the attack the lockeroom perpetrated on Evolution in the prior week. Since he was so disrespected, he will not be on RAW this week.
Batista assaults Tajiri during Tajiri’s interview with the new chick. Batista and Flair then head to the ring to threatened Bischoff, telling him if order is not restored to the locker room, and if HHH’s respect is not regained by the peons then those two will go back and destroy the whole locker room. Or Batista will while Flair tosses back bottles of Jack D.
Bischoff comes out and announces the matches for survivor series. Flair bitches about the fact that he was left off of the card for SS. Bischoff gets mad and says that he’s letting the inmates run the asylum. He’s taking a month long vacation and the winners of the classic Survivor Series matchup will run RAW for a month. Evolution is not too happy about this.
Christian over Hurricane. After which, Christian calls Benjamin out for “stealing his votes” at Taboo Tuesday. Since Tomko is injured, he’s found a new problem solver. Viscera. They slam Benjamin around and stuff. That ain’t right.
Lillian announces Simon Dean, as a new sponsor for the WWE. You know what Simon does. He berates fat people with his parody of a fitness infomercial guru, asking this one guy if he stands up or sits to pee. Either way, he says, the guy hasn’t seen his own penis in a long time. Burn. Then he beats up this guy named Matt after he calls him out to try the Simon System, because after all, he does have a background in amateur wrestling.
At first, when it was time for Benoit and Edge to defend their tag titles, the latter was nowhere in sight. When Edge did decide to help, it was too little, too late. La Resistance win back the tag titles from Beniot and Edge. Then Edge beats up on an already downed Benoit (who had to fight and lose the match alone) and then has the nerve to Spear him.
After Flair and Batista whine about the Survivor Series stipulations, Bischoff books them in a three on three tag team match: Jericho, Orton and Maven against Evolution. And if HHH doesn’t show up there will be a handicapped match tonight.
Muhammad Hussan whines some more about how badly he’s getting treated after 9/11. Waa waa waa. It’s all about you isn’t it?
Shelton over Viscera.
Trish calls Lita the “Kiss of Death” saying everyone she’s ever been involved with has had bad luck with the company or has been hurt. Lita attacks but Trish and Gail Kim just jump her.
Maven, Randy Orton and Chris Jericho over Evolution.
Week Two, November 8th, 2004—Baby Punting 101
HHH complains about Batista getting attacked last week. He notes Flair is not here, and he blames Bischoff for the backlash against Evolution. Bischoff comes out and threatens HHH with vacating the World Heavyweight title when Trips yokes him up. Right after Bischoff promos Evolution’s match at Survivor Series he sets up the next match: Orton Vs. Batista.
Orton wins over Batista but after the match, Batista goes backstage to start a ruckus with Orton and his Survivor Series team as they are congratulating Orton on winning his match.
Benoit’s taped attempt at a promo was honest. He said there would be no cool catch phrases or witty saying but he tells Edge to “Sleep tight.” I think they said he taped this promo last week after the match where Edge basically f***s him up after their tag team match. But “Sleep Tight” is still irrelevant because tonight is the night Benoit is supposed to do some ass kicking. Go figure.
Benjamin over Tomko.
During the highlight reel Trish continues with the “Kiss of Death” cheap shots to Lita. She tells Jericho his show will get cancelled. Jericho says the only thing that will be canceled is his subscription to “Better Sluts and Gardens” because he’s near the real deal.
ZING!
When Lita comes out she confirms Trish’s accusations: Yes she is the Kiss Of Death. So at Survivor Series, Trish had better pucker up. Then things REALLY get ugly. Snitsky comes out with a fake crying baby. He taunts Lita and then punts the baby into the crowd. When Snitsky pushes Jericho out of the way to get into Lita’s face, Jericho goes nuts on him, only to be spine busted on the ring post.
Simon Dean is the WWE’s newest sponsor. You know the drill…he comes out, makes fun of some fat people, and winds up dumping a gallon of his Simon System drink on some fat lady’s head. How much did she get paid to let this guy do this to her?
Edge gives an interview to Maria about Survivor Series. He wants his team to win so he can get control of RAW because if Evolution wins, all hell will break loose.
A small scene where Batista is caught looking lovingly at the championship belt when HHH is out of the room. Could he be gunning for gold too?
There’s a no contest betweenEdge and Benoit because all hell has broken loose in the ring.
PPV—Survivor Series—November 14th, 2004
+Shelton Benjamin over Christian for defense of the Intercontinental Championship
+Trish retains Women’s Title over Lita: No Contest.
+Chris Jericho, Maven, Randy Orton and Chris Benoit over Evolution, Gene Snitsky and Edge in “Control of RAW” elimination match.
Week Three, November 15th, 2004—The Cost To Be The Boss
Tonight is Maven’s night, and he’s taking full advantage during his week as GM since his team won the “Control RAW for a month” contest. He interrupts La Resistance to make the following bookings…
Shelton Benjamin and Chris Benoit against Edge and Christian.
J.R vs. Coach.
Kristy Hemme vs. Stacy Kiebler in a lingerie pillow fight.
Himself against HHH for the championship belt.
La Resistance in a three team elimination match with teams Rhyno and Tajiri and Eugene and
Regal.
Regal and Eugene win the tag team titles. Afterwards Eugene pours chocolate milk over Regal and the girl who’s interviewing him. That’s his way of celebrating. They stare at her milky ta taas and Regal tells Eugene to stop because he’ll go blind; meanwhile he says he wouldn’t mind missing an eye.
HHH offers Maven a spot in Evolution in order to placate him and hold him off from taking his title shot tonight. Trips says that even if Maven does win all his friends will turn on him out of jealousy. He offers allies and make the alliance of Evolution seem really appealing. Maven has to decide what he’ll do tonight.
Lita over Molly Holly. After which Trish and Molly try to jump Trish but Lita smashes Trish in the nose.
When Coach and JR are about to start their fight, Maven comes in on the titantron telling them there’s been a mistake. The “JR” Coach is supposed to fight has a silent “J” in his name. Oh but you can hear the R clearly, as in RKO!
Randy whupped Coach good. What else would you have expected.
Edge and Christian are not happy about being tag team mates. Then for some reason Edge sticks his middle finger at the audience. Classy.
”Don’t make the same mistake I did…” is basically what Randy Orton is telling Maven about the prospect of joining Evolution. Take your shot, it’s more worth it. Maven questions Orton’s intentions, noting that it would be easier for Orton to get a title shot if Maven beats HHH.
But who says you’re gonna win?
Benoit and Benjamin win the tag team match against Captain Charisma and Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason.
Christy over Stacy in the lingerie match. Yeah, I know there are some of you who actually care right?
HHH insinuates that Batista is stupid through little “jokes”, but Batista looks kind of pissed off. The start of a feud? Maybe.
Simon calls Rosey fat, and then fights him a little throwing supplement powder in his face.
Benoit tells Maven to “Do The Right Thing” regarding the title shot. This has been a Spike Lee joint.
Maven decides to take his shot. However things get crazy as everyone from the locker room comes down to either help Maven or help Evolution. Snitsky was the deciding factor, when he booted Maven in the face, allowing HHH to do a pedigree. HHH keeps the title.
Week Four, November 22nd, 2004—Benoit’s the Boss
Shelton Benjamin, Vince McMahon and Trish Stratus did a Monday Night Football parody/joke that I didn’t get. Someone email me and tell me why that was funny. I didn’t see it anyway.
Benoit came out saying that anyone who wrote down their name on a piece of paper that was taped to his office door gets a match tonight. Maven Vs. Snitsky. Batista Vs. Jericho. Trish Vs. Lita Vs. Molly Holly in a triple threat for the women’s title. JR Vs. Coach (What is this obsession with this match up?) and finally, you guessed it, Benoit Vs. HHH in a steel cage match.
Snitsky over Maven.
HHH berates Batista and bets him a hundred dollars that he will lose his match against Jericho. A-hole.
Hurricane and Simon Dean got into it, When he backed Stacy into a corner, literally. When Stacy tried to give out the new ECW DVD (Big Thing, you should review that for us) Dean said that ECW stood for Eating Causes Weight Gain.
Flair is trying to be a peace maker telling Batista that HHH didn’t mean what he said. Batista is not buying it though and he looks angry.
Batista got disqualified after doing the Tree of Woe on Jericho.
HHH wanted his $100 because Batista lost the match. Batista justified his loss by saying that at least he doesn’t have to get carried out like Jericho. HHH says he needs someone to rely on, so maybe he should find someone other than Batista. After Batista stormed off HHH asked Flair to “talk to him”. Flair told him to back off Batista.
Edge was being an A-hole back stage because he’s mad about the whole Christian thing. Benoit told him if he was mad at Christian then do something about it rather than terrorize people backstage.
Coach is not fighting JR. This week JR stands for Just Rhyno. Clever.
Rhyno over Coach.
Trish stole a victory for the Women’s Title.
Flair is trying to calm Batista down and keep Evolution together. Batista said he’s tired for waiting for his time to shine.
Christian and La Resistance are losers when Eugene, Regal and Benjamin win.
Muhammad whines about strip searches at the airport. That’s nothing compared to a pap smear okay? Do I whine about being a girl? No. Well yeah sometimes.
Batista knocked HHH out cold, and now Benoit cannot get his title shot b/c HHH is unable to even…move. So, Benoit, (always using his noggin) actually books Edge in the match instead.
Let’s try to pretend that this is not bullshit.
Benoit escapes from the cage door.
It’s all a work. The whole thing with HHH and Batista was planned by Evolution so Benoit wouldn’t get his shot. Evolution stands in the ring and laughs at everyone stupid enough to believe them. Us.
Orton comes out with an offer. He wants to see if HHH will fight him in a match to lift the stipulation which bans Orton from getting a title shot. HHH says no. Orton says, well then you’ll have to fight everyone behind door number 2. When half of the locker room empties out on the ramp, Orton tells us a Battle Royale will be held for the Championship title.
Week Five, November 29th, 2004—Who’s The Champ?
Vince McMahon changes the title main even for tonight, and since it was Orton’s night to call the shots, I feel that was kind of messed up. Instead of a Battle Royale with Trips against the world, the winner of the Battle Royale tonight will produce the number one contender.
Benoit and Edge fall to the floor simultaneously at the end of the Battle Royale, making it extremely difficult to judge who won. It’s basically Orton’s decision. When Orton asks McMahon what he thinks, McMahon says, “It’s your decision.” Oh yeah. Right. After you screwed with his main event?
Maven disses Eugene because he’s a jealous big eyebrowed bastard. According to Maven, Eugene has gold around his waist and he can’t even spell “title”. When is it gonna be his turn, huh? When Eugene spells title correctly, Maven gets miffed, but Regal sets him straight about being a sore loser.
Edge, Benoit and HHH are going to go for the Heavyweight Title, as per Orton’s orders. He books some more matches during his interview time.
Lita and Victoria over Trish and Molly Holly.
Hussan says that if people don’t stop with all the prejudice against his Arab American ass, then he is going to beat it out of them.
See what I’m talking about? Just ain’t right.
In a legends match, Flair beats Lawlerafter Flair uses the ropes to hold his leg lock.
A bunch of Divas take off their clothes and show everyone their panties in a lingerie fashion show.
Regal and Eugene retain their tag titles against La Resistance. After which Maven comes out and throws Eugene into some steel steps.
Jericho tells Trish that Even though she calls Lita the walking K.O.D. (Kiss of Death) that Trish is the walking STD.
BURN! (Literally).
He books her in a match next week when he’s the GM.
Evolution looks all shaky and mad at each other as if a break-up is imminent. During the battle royale Batista eliminated Flair “accidentally”. This causes so much tension backstage that you could cut it with a knife.
HHH is knocked out of the triple threat match and it’s down to Edge and Benoit. Edge taps simultaneously when Benoit’s shoulders are on the floor for the three count. It’s undecided who the winner is. No Contest.
November’s Titleholders
Trish Stratus-Women’s Champion
Shelton Benjamin-Intercontinental Champion
Eugene & Regal-World Tag Team Champions
HHH-World Heavyweight Champion (?)
The Grade
Some interesting stuff went down. B-.
SmackDown!—The Month In Review: November 2004
Week One, November 4th, 2004—Angle Almost Taps
Tough Enough competitors Chris Nawrocki and Dan take on Angle in a T.E. segment. Puder almost makes Angle look weak with a move that almost makes Angle tap out…literally.
JBL slaps Josh Matthews during an interview with Orlando Jordan after Josh asks questions about Jordan’s loss to Booker T. Josh says he’s tired of being abused, and tells Jordan that if he wants to beat Booker T, he’ll have to take his head out of JBL’s ass first.
Booker wins the rematch against OJ when the match is DQ’d due to JBL’s interference. JBL and Jordan beat him up and stuff.
Josh, for some strange reason, apologizes to Teddy Long for his surge of anger after JBL bitch slapped him. Meanwhile Booker storms in and demands a handicapped match against Jordan and JBL. Long only will OK the match if Book finds a partner to make it a tag team bout. Book chooses former Tough Enough contestant Josh Matthews. It is therefore, “on like popcorn.”
Spike and his brothers pick on the Big Show but wind up getting put through tables themselves. Luckily Spike runs away before he gets wood. Hey Spike…
Don’t fight it.
Kurt chooses Carlito to be the fourth Survivor Series member.
Rey Mysterio & RVD over Reigns & Jindrak.
Long tells Eddie that Mysterio can’t be his fourth member at Survivor Series. Rey’s in a fatal four way that night, so Eddie has one week to find a suitable replacement.
Dawn Marie and Miss Jackie attempt to “settle their differences” in an arm wrestling match. However this quickly degenerates into a brawl, and the object of both womens’ affections—Charlie Haas—walks down the ramp in his knee brace to do what? Maybe break up the fight. Then inexplicably Heidenrech comes down and beats on Haas while Heyman yells at him trying to convince his man that Haas is not Undertaker. Heidenrech doesn’t care and continues to destroy Haas’ injured knee.
Booker and Josh manage to defeat JBL & OJ. Josh looks like he’s been through the wringer.
Week Two, November 11th, 2004—The Sex Test
Torrie Wilson’s “Sex Test” was yet another segment for the Tough Enough contestants who had been tested on their possible sexual prowess by making out with a Diva for 15 seconds. After which, the Diva would judge who she thought the best lover might make. Who’da thunk it (though I saw it coming from miles away) Mae Young is actually the Diva chosen to judge the contest. After some things that I’m too ashamed to talk about happened, Mae chose Danny P. as the best maker-outer. Puder got a lap dance from Young as his prize.
Chavo was yelling at an unseen “old friend” in his dressing room when Rey stopped by to pick him up for their tag team matchup. O….kay. They fought Billy Kidman and Spike Dudley. Chavo and Rey won.
Under the guise of apologizing for he and his “employer’s” behavior last week Orlando man handles Josh again, slapping him and making him bleed from the nose. It was really embarrassing to watch. When Booker T saw this, he stormed into Teddy’s office with Josh and demanded that Josh get a one on one with Jordan. While Josh looked reluctant and scared, he pretty much went along with whatever Booker T said. Josh noted that JBL would be in Jordan’s corner, so he wanted someone to be in his. Booker T caught the hint and volunteered. Even with interference from JBL and a beat down by Jordan, Josh managed to score a pin.
Carlito sat ringside and spit apple in Cole’s face. Then he interfered in the Eddie Guerrero/RVD VS. Reigns/Jindrak bout, but really it was to no avail: the faces won.
Eddie got on the mic afterwards as Carlito and Jesus made their way up the ramp and back through the entrance. They stopped dead in their tracks when they found out who would be back for Survivor Series: John Cena.
After Eddie’s micwork, Carlito went to Long’s office to whine about Cena being on Eddie’s team at Survivor Series. Long implies that Carlito’s sidekick Jesus may have had something to do with that nightclub stabbing. Long kicked Carlito out of the office.
JBL’s promo promises victory at Survivor Series.
Heyman comes ringside to argue with Michael Cole about his “comments” regarding Heidenrech. After Heyman shoves Cole, bumping him into Tazz, Tazz gets up like he’s ready to fight. Heyman runs to the ring and Heidenrech comes out ordering Tazz to get into the ring also. Tazz walks towards the ring. However, the lights go dark. When the lights come back up, Taker is standing right in front of Heidi. And it’s not pleasant. Heyman pulled his boy away before anything crazy could happen.
Right before his match with Big Show, Angle cuts a promo which disses the whole of Guerrero’s team. RVD and Guerrero come down to even the player field in the next match, since Angle had his flunkees all down at the ring. Even through the craziness that goes down, Big Show manages to win. Afterward Angle’s team takes down the faces.
PPV—Survivor Series—November 14th, 2004
+Spike Dudley over Chavo Guerrero, Billy Kidman and Rey Mysterio in the retainment of the Cruiserweight title.
+Big Show, Rob Van Dam, Eddie Guerrero & John Cena “Survive” the six man elimination match against Kurt Angle, Carlito, Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak.
+JBL retains WWE championship over Booker T
Week Three, November 18th, 2004—The Aftermath
None of the Tough Enough contestants won the “get the flag” contest against the Bashams.
Carlito is shot down when asking Long for a postponement in his match with John Cena. He has a doctor’s note and everything. Long reasoned that Carlito’s injuries were no worse than Cena’s puncture wounds to the kidney, and he said that if he did not fight, he’d be automatically stripped of the title.
Haas wins over Heidenrech via countout when the poetic monster leaves the ring and shouts “I didn’t fail!” over and over again as he backs up into the entrance.
RVD & Mysterio over Kenzo Suzuki & Rene Dupree
Some kid named Dean Visk jobs for Angle in the “Angle Invitational”.
Amy Weber from the Diva Search is introduced as JBL’s new “image consultant”. Afterwards JBL does a promo comparing himself to Michael Jordan and both Eddie Guerrero and Booker T. come out demanding title shots.
Joy Giovanni from the Diva Search is a massage therapist now. She worked on Carlito’s shoulder but he sent her away like a Gaylord so he could be alone in a small room with Jesus.
Cena wins his title back against Carlito but afterwards Jesus brutalizes him by punching him in the kidneys with his own steel chain wrapped around his knuckles. Cena sold like crazy looking almost on the verge of tears as he writhed in pain on the mat.
Week Four, November 25th, 2004—Kenzo Loves White Meat
Joy Giovanni sets up for the Big Show Thanksgiving.
Mysterio over Dupree.
When Hiroko catches Kenzo drooling over images of Torrie on a monitor, she asks him what part of the turkey he’d like to eat for dinner. He drools and says like a pervert, “breast”. Hiroko gets offended and storms off.
Daniel Puder beat all other Tough Enough contestants in an arm wrestling contest.
RVD over Suzuki via DQ when Suzy tries choking RVD out with his sash. Hiroko slapped Torrie—who was acting ring announcer, and the two began brawling. After they were taken apart, Kenzo did a hip swivel thing to Torrie, but RVD ran him off.
The Big Show Thanksgiving begins where Big Show talks lovingly about eating everything in sight on Thanksgiving when he was a little butterball himself. He invites people in the ring to eat with him. However, Reigns comes out and says he hates Thanksgiving because they’ve never been happy due to his troubled past. Reigns demanded Joy serve him food and then threw pie in her face. After Show slammed Reign’s head into the table, Tazz started a food fight and all was well again.
Cody Steele—Hometown Invitational Contestant—taps out to Kurt Angle.
Tough Enough Contestants tell us what they are grateful for.
Heyman addresses the fact that Heidenrech is a lunatic. He says Heidenrech has been medicated last week ever since his breakdown in the ring. He asks us to pray for him.
Michelle puts doubts in Miss Jackie’s head about her fiancé’s—Charlie Haas fidelity.
No contest between Dawn Marie & Miss Jackie, since a double DQ resulted from both of them shoving around the ref.
JBL & Jordan over Eddie Guerrero & Booker T after a “fan” (one of the Bashams) interferes in the match, allowing JBL to get the pin. However, the Undertaker comes out afterwards, chokeslamming Jordan and tombstoning JBL as the show ended.
November’s Titleholders
Spike Dudley-Cruiserweight Champion
John Cena-US Champion
Rene Dupree & Kenzo Suzuki-WWE Tag Team Champions
John Bradshaw Layfield-WWE Champion
The Grade
I don’t have much to really say. I suppose it met minimal standards of wrasslin’ and entertainment: C.
RAW& SmackDown!: Behind The Scenes
Note:I’m condensing RAW & SmackDown news for the month in one general section from now on. Why? Because I said so.
Victoria Injured—Maybe it was really all that Go Go dancing, but Vicki hurt herself during the RAW in Champaign and had to be helped out of the ring.
Billy Gunn to TNA?—Gunn has joined TNA. Gunn was canned from the WWE due to many of his substance abuse problems, though it’s been said that with all of the budget cuts as of late that his absence was to be expected anyway.
Playboy Wants Divas—Playboy magazine is said to be interested in doing pictorials on one or more of the current Divas on the WWE roster, especially in congruence with WM21. No one is quite sure who’ll be chosen if this deal goes through.
The Simon Dean System—Simon Dean debuted this month. By now you know his M.O. Under the guise of a new “sponsor” for the WWE (and eventually a contracted superstar) he sells his shakes, supplements and powders to fat people, berating fans in the audience in the process. He’s a funny, funny mofo. Hey, who said the WWE was politically correct?
The WWE Firings & The Aftermath—Following the WWE firings the morale of the workers have been extremely low as they wonder who’s getting the boot next. It’s being said that politics is the way to go, and if you’re cool with Trips then you’re basically safe.
Johnny Laurinaitis has been offering cash advances to talent who are “in need of money”, but so far that’s been the only measure taken to place a band-aid on the morale issue. On top of that, this month in November, rumors spread around about the WWE not paying for surgeries and other medical procedures. Apparently though that rumor is false.
The Real Reason For The Cuts—Cost issues were the main reasons for the cuts but as of late we’ve found it that people who were not drawing at house shows (and therefore not being sent to house shows), were cut. On another note, it’s being said that it was no surprise that Test was cut because, “HHH has been after Test for years”. (Wrestlinginc.com)
Angle Pissed—Tough Enough competitor and now winner Daniel Puder almost made Angle tap in one of their unscripted segments. They managed to weasel out of it by giving Angle a pin, but he was angry that he had to be put into that sort of situation in the first place. Even talent who don’t even like Kurt sympathize with him.
Goodbye Stace?—Rumors about Stacy Kiebler leaving the company swirled this November because her boyfriend Test got fired. Apparently, those rumors are said to be totally untrue, besides, who’s gonna bring home the bacon if Test is at home watching All My Children in his underwear?
Carlito’s Injury, Not Cool—Due to a separated shoulder, the former US Champ will be off for a few months after his surgery.
Chilly Willy—ECW star William “Chilly Willy” Jones has signed a developmental deal with the WWE and will be heading to OVW soon.
Shaniqua Booted—Linda Miles aka Shaniqua, The Basham Brothers former Valet was released from OVW only moments from being promoted again to the RAW roster. She no showed at a training session last month (Nov.) and has been constantly drawing heat for her major attitude problem. Good riddance. Her size and power would’ve been great for the Women’s Division, but not if she totally sucks in the ring anyway.
Rosey A Big Fatty—The Company wants Rosey to lose weight…badly. The Simon Deane segment on him was said to be an inside joke about how fat he was. That’s messed up.
The Beef Between Holly and Dupree—Their match at a house show turned into a real shoot when Holly was throwing real punches, kicks and a legit chairshot during the bout. Word is that Holly was pissed off Dupree got a ticket in his rental car. Plus, people just hate Dupree anyway. Maybe it’s because he flops around so damned much. Read about the details here.
Bret Hart Married—Bret Hart married an Italian woman named Cinzia in September. As you all may know he’s in an Aladdin musical show right now. After which he’s going back to Italy.
Well, that’ll do it for November’s Issue of Branded! Email me with comments, questions, death threats or love letters to this address.
