The day is as clear to me as if it occurred just yesterday. During one regular autumn morning, I sat with an extra large bowl of cereal and amazement in my eyes. Saturday morning wrestling was on and that means that I was oblivious to any and every thing around me. Mean Gene’s voice still echoes through out my head as I still hear him calling the match. The Killer Bees were fighting as I watched what was on the tube. Life changing moments are usually preceded by an eerie feeling, a Spider Sense if you will. However, there was no warning bell, no precursor this day. The floor shook as normal under his 250lbs. as he entered the room but not like my world was about to shake. “I don’t know why you watch this garbage”, the voiced boomed. “You know that wrestling is fake.”
Moments like these have occurred in all wrestling fans’ lives. The definitive day when the fun has been ruined and tomorrow’s sunrise seems impossible.
Santa Claus is not real, either. While this has always been true I do not see parents rushing to tell their children this little bit of information. The Easter Bunny, check. The Boogey Man, check. The Tooth Fairy, check. Fake, fake, fake and more fake.
If our parents can let these lies live, why could they not let the lie of wrestling live too? It took me 10 years to come back to wrestling after that day. 10 long years. Some of you know what I mean. You just came back too, after the apocalypse rained on your fantasies. Some of you know the teenager that I was. He is the guy that when you mention wrestling he still refers to it as the WWF. Often, this guy parlays your conversation into a discussion on homosexuality and how wrestling
is “gay.” You know the guy I am talking about. Do not fret because he is going through the sands of fire that every wrestling fan does. He is trying to find a justification as to why his favorite sport betrayed him by being scripted. He is trying to find why he never noticed the fact that a 400lb. man jumping off of the top rope could easily kill a man but never does in wrestling. This young, lost soul is also trying to figure out how after all of his experiences and know-it-all speeches, why he did not notice that wrestling was fake before someone else had to undress his emotions.
But I digress. Wrestling is and has been fake in more ways than just one.
Steroids. The talk of the town is nothing new to the wrestling community. We heard the rumors regarding Jamie Knoble’s release. Apparently he was suspected of steroid use. God forbid a wrestler have a chemically enhanced body. I am sure that the
following guys never used the stuff:
In the past, we were unaware that our models of manhood were juiced. The fighting was not only fake but so were the bodies of many of these men. While steroid use has not been proven for most of these men, untimely deaths in wrestling are far too common and that is the number one side effect of ‘roid use.
*Curt Hennig,
44, died of acute cocaine intoxication in February 2003,
medical records show. But his father said last year that a lethal combination of
steroids and painkillers contributed to his death.
•“The British Bulldog,”
Davey Boy Smith, 39,died in 2002 in Canada of an enlarged heart with
evidence of microscopic scar tissue, possibly from steroid abuse, a coroner
said. “Davey paid the price with steroid cocktails and human-growth hormones,”
says Bruce Hart, a veteran trainer who worked with Smith and was his
brother-in-law.
•Louie “Spicolli”
Mucciolo, 27, died from coronary disease in his San Pedro, Calif., home in
1998, according to his autopsy. Investigators found an empty vial of the male
hormone testosterone, pain pills and an anxiety-reducing drug. The Los Angeles
County coroner’s office determined the drugs might have contributed to his heart
condition.
•Richard “Ravishing Rick
Rude” Rood, 40, died from an overdose of “mixed medications” in Alpharetta,
Ga., in 1999, his autopsy shows. In 1994 he testified that he had used anabolic
steroids to build muscle mass and relieve joint pain.
•“Flyin’ “Brian Pillman,
35, was taking painkillers and human-growth hormones when he died from heart
disease in 1997, his widow said several years ago. Investigators found empty
bottles of painkillers near his body in a Minnesota hotel room.*
As most of us know, young boys are
very impressionable. The physiques of wrestlers became goals of ours. He-Man and
other impossible to match action figures set the bar where most of us will never
reach. Even today when wrestling is on, I flex just to make sure that I am still
a man.
I was the teenager that spent hours lifting weights and doing push ups. I was also the teen that became dejected and depressed when after weeks and months of work I looked no closer to Hogan than when I started.
You see I discovered for myself just recently that wrestling was, is and always will be fake.
When Vince McMahon announced to the world under government pressure that wrestling was fake, a chorus of detractors,
just like my dad, yelled in unison, “WE TOLD YOU SO!”
You see, the wrestling world has had the last laugh. Once wrestling admitted to itself and its fans the truth, the greatest era in wrestling history began. The Attitude Era and the Monday Night Wars will never be matched again and the wrestling world is better for hearing the truth and dealing with it.
So I say to my father today, “You know that baseball is fake.” I can not wait to see the expression as he prepares to go through baseball purgatory much like when I went through wrestling hell.
Wrestling fans, together, we have the last laugh. After years of torment and anguish. After being ridiculed and harassed. Finally, finally we get to put up our middle fingers and tell the entire “legitimate” sports world, “SCREW YOU.” So be sure today that when you see a kid or a stranger or a loved one. Be sure to tell them that America’s past time is fake and then invite them to watch Monday Night Raw with you as they cry in their milk.
* Credit – USAToday.com
