The Glass Ceiling
Thunk, thunk…thunk. The sounds of heads hitting the glass ceiling is never ending ambiance in the WWE locker room. The glass ceiling used to apply to the invisible point where unwanted groups (read: women, Latinos, Blacks) could no longer receive promotions past in the office place. Assistant manager = Dead End. Teaching Assistant = Dead End. Toilet Scrapper = Dead End. However, we know how caring Vince McMahon and the entire WWE corporation is so the idea of a glass ceiling would never exist in our beloved wrestling world, right?
Depending on who you are the height of the glass ceiling may vary. But who does this figment of my imagination apply to anyway? Why, former WCW and ECW stars of course! But not just any former stars you see. The apparatus of career destruction applies to a select group of former WCW and ECW stars, the ones that showed loyalty to their former employers while they were still in business. BLASPHEMY?!
Hardly. In Hulk Hogan’s most recent biography, Hollywood Hulk Hogan, he made a tremendous assertion*. I can not quote him verbatim as I long ago used that fine work of literature when my cat had an accident; however, Terry Bollea implied that Booker T has no one to fault for his lack of a title run except for himself. The logic Mr. Bollea used is that Booker could have jumped ship like many before him to come to the WWE. He likely would have been rewarded with the infinitely intangible strap as a result of his disloyalty to Ted Turner. Perplexed? Confused? Do not be. Much like the venerable** Mr. McCoy, of Law & Order fame, I have evidence to support my claims.
The court would like to present exhibit A (pause for inaudible gasps).
Mike Awesome
Lance Storm
Sean O’Haire
Sean Stasiak
Hugh Morrus
Chris Kanyon
Tommy Dreamer
Justin Credible
Diamond Dallas Page
These Invasion era refugees are all gone from the WWE (Bill Demott is not Hugh Morrus). Apparently their glass ceiling was a lot lower than they may have expected.
Exhibit B
Rob Van Dam
Booker T
Scott Steiner
These World Title hopefuls were pushed to the stars. Steiner’s first feud involved himself and HHH for the World Title. The next thing you know he was battling over another WCW cast off, Stacy Keibler and is now collecting unemployment in a state near you. Rob Van Dam made a career out of being the high dude that couldn’t care less. Well an attitude like that gets you nowhere young man. The WWE sold him as a legit contender, than poof. Booker T. What should I expect from a man that dropped the title to Vince Russo? Two almost WWE title wins is what. He was pushed to the brink of stardom only to fall into an oblivious feud that involves the destruction of his career. Some will tell you that there is no glass ceiling and they may be right.
Exhibit C
Bill Gill, err Goldberg
He won the ultimate prize. He defeated HHH. He broke through that glass ceiling, right?
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A TOKEN?
For these reasons and more the glass ceiling most definitely exists. Soon Cruiserweights, current Divas not involved in the Diva Search, tag team specialists, and anyone not named HHH will fall victim to that ceiling.
Shhh. Is that Mr. McMahon reinforcing his glass ceiling with concrete?
Headlines You Won’t See Anywhere Else
Jesus Walks
It appears that Jesus has made his millennial return. Unfortunately the zoot suit pants and bright colors distract followers from his message.
Booker T does it Again
Lose at a major pay per view that is.
Faces turn Heel
Have you ever seen faces team up and cheat like they did on Raw? A nice change of pace to say the least is always welcome.
Beaten Wrestler Turns Heel after Being Beaten
Usually when a bad guy beats up another bad guy, the victim turns face. However, it is unclear if the crowd’s vicious reaction to Edge’s actions against Christian were meant for Edge or Christian. Odds start at 10:1
Breaking News: Raw Wrestler to be Cut
Agents are looking for Val Venus to deliver the news are stymied when they can not find where the edge of the earth is. Venus was last seen falling off of the face of it.
TNA Holds First Major Pay Per View
45,000 fans discouraged to learn that TNA does not stand for T*** and A**. Cable companies are subsequently flooded with calls for refund.
Eviluther99@yahoo.com
Thanks to dictionary.com for providing our class with definitions.
* – Something declared or stated positively, often with no support or attempt at proof.
** – Commanding respect by virtue of age, dignity, character, or position
