Just so everyone knows, the following is a PARODY. Hopefully the folks at TNA, Dusty Rhodes and Vince Russo especially, have enough of a sense of humor to let me get away with playing Ralph Nader…
– “Maverick”
Hello, Wrestling Fans! I am the “Maverick” Mike Johns, and I am here to officially announce my candidacy for Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling’s Director of Authority! After reviewing the credentials of the two major candidates, Vince Russo and “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes, I came to the decision that you, the wrestling fan, deserve a better choice for Director of Authority. You see, neither Vince Russo nor Dusty Rhodes have the vision or the creativity to lead Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling into the American Wrestling Mainstream, and, more importantly, into direct competition with World Wrestling Entertainment. Only I, the “Maverick” Mike Johns, can provide the sheer entertainment value that today’s wrestling fans demands while preserving the action and excitement inside the ring that has kept TNA’s core audience happy for over two years!
You, the Wrestling Fan, deserve a better choice, and I am that choice. My opponents have both had their time in the spotlight, and, as history has shown, neither man has what it takes to take on Vince McMahon and World Wrestling Entertainment. Both have tried, and both have failed more than once.
Vince Russo, a former employee of WWE (then WWF), was considered to be one of the masterminds behind the “WWF Attitude” era, which led to one of the most lucrative periods in professional wrestling history. He made the move to WCW in 1999, and after a mere three months as WCW’s Head Writer, he was fired and replaced with Kevin Sullivan. Vince Russo was fired because in the three months he was in control of WCW’s Creative Direction, he did not use a single truly new or creative idea. The Filthy Animals were a rip-off of D-Generation X, while Madusa was pushed in the same way WWF’s Chyna had been pushed only months earlier. Russo even named WCW Characters after well-known WWF Personalities. Creative Control’s Patrick and Gerald were based on Pat Patterson and Gerry Brisco, Oklahoma was based on WWF commentator, Jim Ross, and the Revolution’s Aysa was yet another attempt to cash in on the popularity of WWE’s Chyna. Vince Russo even instated a Hardcore Championship, despite the fact that WCW had no luck with any previous attempts at being “hardcore”, to cash in on the popularity of ECW and the WWF’s Hardcore Division. In a three-month period, Vince Russo went from being heralded as the creative Mastermind of the WWF to the laughing stock of the wrestling world, simply because of a lack of creativity. His lack of creativity is so evident that Vince Russo is not even given a say in TNA Creative Meetings. And this man wants to be your Director of Authority? I say that on November 7th, you tell Vince Russo, once and for all, that his services, or lack thereof, will no longer be needed!
But what about “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes? I deeply respect his accomplishments in the wrestling ring. A three-time NWA World’s Heavyweight Champion, a former WWF and WCW Superstar, with over 30 years in the business? That’s nothing to scoff at! In fact, there are very few performers who have had a better or more storied career than “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes! Unfortunately, outside of the ring, Dusty’s record leaves much to be desired. As a writer for WCW, Dusty coined a signature finish, commonly known as the “Dusty Finish” in the business, which has led to many confusing and frustrating match finishes. Dusty’s use of outside interference and run-ins to finish matches were one of many factors that dragged WCW down in the early 1990’s, making the shows nearly unwatchable! Do you want TNA to suddenly have every other match end in a Dusty Finish? Do you want to see run-in after run-in, DQ after DQ? There has even been talk that, as Director of Authority, Dusty Rhodes would once again reinstate what is commonly known as the “Champion’s Advantage”, a loophole in the rules of professional wrestling which would allow a champion to retain his or her title should they be disqualified! According to TNA Rules, as it stands now, champions in Total Non-Stop Action do not have this advantage. If a champion is DQ’ed, they will lose their title. But Dusty Rhodes wants to change that! He wants to allow disqualified champions to retain their titles, just like they do in WWE! Do you want to see TNA end up just like WWE, a wasteland of “Sports Entertainers” unable to perform at the peak of their abilities, hindered by a lack of creative direction and even more horrendous focus on “big men” rather than hiring good hands who can actually wrestle? Well, folks, if Dusty Rhodes is elected Director of Authority on November 7th, that’s exactly what will happen to TNA. Many of us look to TNA as an alternative to WWE’s lack of creative focus and excitement. We should not allow TNA to lose it’s athletic or creative edge over WWE by electing a man who would rather turn back the hands of time than set his sights on the future of this business!
For over two years, Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling has made a name for itself within the wrestling world. Focusing more on in-ring action, rather than backstage antics, TNA Wrestling has changed the face of wrestling, thanks in great part to the no-limits style of the X-Division and all of the amazing athletes that have participated in TNA Events. Unfortunately, for all of TNA’s innovations, it has always lacked in one key area of wrestling – story and character development. And, in my first 100 days as your Director of Authority, this is the area where I will dedicate the majority of my attention.
The truth is, TNA has always come short when it comes to the development of characters and storylines to carry their shows. The athletes are top notch, but the booking has always been… well… mediocre. Matches and feuds are thrown together far too quickly, without proper build-up or plot development, which tends to leave many wrestling fans feeling “empty” afterwards. As Director of Authority, I intend to fix this problem. First of all, TNA needs a fresh perspective, someone outside of the company to come in, take a look at everything TNA has to offer, and add some fresh ideas to the creative pot. TNA needs to look to people who haven’t necessarily had their shot at the big time, who are hungry and looking to make a name for themselves as writers and bookers within the wrestling world. Someone like me, the “Maverick” Mike Johns, who hasn’t been tainted by the politics and the games played at the higher levels of the professional wrestling business. Someone like me, who hasn’t been the target of locker room politicians like Triple H or “Stone Cold” Steve Austin… or even met these people, for that matter! Do you really want Kevin Nash and Scott Hall controlling the fates of athletes like Alex Shelley, Petey Williams, or AJ Styles? Do you really want Kevin Sullivan pushing the “Alpha Male” Monty Brown to the moon before fans are ready to accept his in the Main Event? Do you want someone who actually believes that Scott D’Amore and Glenn Gilberti, at this stage of their careers, are best used as full-time wrestlers? Or do you want a fresh perspective from someone who can recognize what each wrestler in TNA can bring to the table, and how to best utilize that talent in order to put together the best possible wrestling program? If you want a better all-around creative direction for Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling, then let your voice be hear this Sunday, November 7th, by casting your vote for “Maverick” Mike Johns for Director of Authority!
Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling is the hottest wrestling promotion in the business today, but TNA needs your help. This Sunday, November 7th, the very future of Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling is in your hands. This Sunday, you could vote for Vince Russo, and TNA can continue to coast along on Friday Afternoons with little to no creative direction whatsoever. Or, you could vote for Dusty Rhodes, and let him take TNA backwards in time, reinstating the “Champion’s Advantage”, and ignore the innovative X-Division almost entirely. Or, you can vote for me, Mike Johns, and help take TNA into a brand new direction where we can have both the innovative, action-packed wrestling we have all come to know and love, as well as interesting and compelling storylines to entertain TNA fans. The choice is clear. To guarentee TNA’s future in the wrestling world for years to come, there is only one choice for TNA’s Director of Authority, and that choice is the “Maverick” Mike Johns.
Thank you and please remember to vote this Sunday, November 7th, for Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling’s Director of Authority. And don’t forget to order TNA’s Victory Road Pay Per View to see the results of this election, as well as the athletes and performers of Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling. America’s Most Wanted takes on Triple X in a Tag Team “Last Man Standing” match. X-Division Champion Petey Williams defends his title against The Phenomenal AJ Styles. 3 Live Kru takes on the NWA Tag Team Champions, Team Canada, for the titles. Abyss, Monty Brown, and Raven face off in a “Monster’s Ball” Match. And, in the Main Event, NWA Champion Jeff Jarrett defends his title against the Charismatic Enigma, Jeff Hardy, in a Ladder Match. Plus, a special appearance by the Outsiders, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash, and a special edition of “In The Pit” with “Rowdy” Roddy Piper! All this and much more, this Sunday, November 7th, exclusively on Pay Per View!
This Message was paid for by the “Mike Johns for TNA Director of Authority” Campaign. If you would like to offer your ideas on how to improve Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling, please feel free to send your thoughts to the “Maverick” at TheMaverickMJ@yahoo.com. Thank you for your support, and don’t forget to cast your vote this Sunday for TNA Wrestling’s Director of Authority!
