Jay Mookie Alf RingoJuna
RAW Rage is carried on Salty Ham Wrestling, The Balrog’s Lair, and WOW Revolution. New. Exciting. More calories.
a demolition style hell american freak – yeah
i am the crawling dead,
a phantom in a box, shadow in your head – say
acid suicide – freedom of the blast,
read the [bleeping] lies – yeah
scratch off the broken skin,
tear into my heart,
make me do it again
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-
more human than human
more human than human
more human than human
more human than human
more human than human
more human than human
Where was I last week? WHAT’S IT TO YOU??? You don’t see me asking you where you were last week! I don’t send YOU emails screaming about your whereabouts! In fact, I DIDN’T EVEN THINK about you last Monday! Yep, the last thing on my mind last week was you. So quit asking.
Actually I was helping out my grandmother since my grandfather had a stroke and was going to write it when I could but since the website had issues with the server, I couldn’t. But thank you for asking. I love my readers.
This is how it works – I write. You read. No where in there does it say you can give me flack about it. Just be happy when I allow my golden words to fall upon your screen.
I want to apologize for the above statement
Losers.
A New Era Begins
A few months ago, I told all of you that RAW Rage was going to have some big changes in the future. The reason was that I had become unhappy with the way the Rage was playing out (i.e. boring).
So, I’ve changed RAW Rage. Now, instead of getting this thing posted an hour or so after RAW, you’ll now get it on the target date of Tuesday. Also, don’t expect a normal “recap” of the show. Truth is, if you enjoy reading this, you’ve probably already figured out that I’m not the world’s best recapper anyway. So, I’m in the process of hiring a RAW recapper that can get things to you overnight and then we can have some fun on Tuesday.
Let me know what you think of it. Or don’t. Whatever.
RRC RING OF HONOR
The voting has begun for the latest member of the Ring of Honor. But since I’ve been so lazy busy lately, I’m going to extend this bit one more week.
Since we only do this once a quarter, I’ll explain what it is again. Every week I pick a new RAW Rage Champion – someone who emailed me about RAW for the week. I choose one and only one. Then, for the quarter, I take the names of those who won the RRC and post them up here, each with an individual mail link, and YOU, my dear readers, decide who will go into the Ring of Honor. If that was too confusing for you – click on the name you like the best below and when the email pops up, hit send. There.
Again, we only have 5 this time, so I am only allowing ONE to get into the ROH. And since Alf is already in the ROH – his 8 wins (or whatever) knocked a lot of people out. Anyway, whoever gets the most votes will be included in the Ring Of Honor AND get a special tag under their name in the Forums. Here are the candidates (including their winning entries for reference):
Paul Craig– 1 Win
From RAW Rage #48 (6/21/04): I’m gonna forgive you this once because the first time I compared my predictions to the results I somehow got 4-3 too, but after going over them again and again I keep coming up with 5-2. Only now as I’m typing this do I remember that La Res lost to DQ so you are actually right and I am typing for no reason at all, and even though I could simply close the comment box, I feel compelled to finish typing anyway and simply tell you and everyone else to please disregard this whole comment. Great Rage btw.
Steve W– 1 Win
From RAW Rage #51(7/19/04): I thought last night’s show was pretty good for the most part. There was some good action, some entertaining segments, a couple of good promos…and then they went and ruined it with that stupid ending. Seriously, what the hell was that? It made absolutely no sense.
Ok, I understand giving Eugene a title match against Benoit. Benoit tells Eugene that he’s his friend and doesn’t want to hurt him and that he’s sorry for the time that he did and that it was an accident. But then he has to wrestle Eugene and since Trips and Bischoff know full well that Benoit won’t lay down and let Eugene win, there’s a pretty good chance that Eugene will probably get hurt and that Benoit will look like a liar Just like Triple H said. I get that. It makes good sense, at least in the context of the storyline up to that point. But given what ended up happening, did we really need the title match? If Evolution was just going to end up laying the beats on him anyway, why couldn’t they have just done it at the beginning of the night rather than take the risk of him actually beating Benoit? If anything, they should have helped him win to further the idea that Triple H would rather face Eugene than Benoit because he’d have an easier time winning that match.
And where the hell was Edge when his friends were having it handed to them? Isn’t he the guy who hates Evolution so much that he’s on his own little 1 man crusade to take them all down? You’d figure that he’d be more than happy to jump in and help out. Then again, his mantra through this whole thing has been “1 by 1 boys, 1 by 1,” so maybe since all 4 of them were there at once he wasn’t coming out because it would go against the logic of the angle…or something. I haven’t got a clue, and I have a feeling that the same goes for the people who booked that segment.
So let’s take a look at what they’ve done here. In 1 night the creative team has effectively managed to not only suck any logic this storyline had right out of it, but the suspense went right along with it since Eugene realized pretty quickly that Trips wasn’t his friend anymore and started fighting back. But then again, if somebody clocked me one for no reason I’d figure the friendship was over too. They’ve also made Edge look either blind or afraid since he never came out to even try to help and no reason was ever given for why, the commentators never said a word about him. He wasn’t injured, he didn’t leave the building, as far as we know, he was sitting back there watching it on a monitor. Maybe it’ll come up next week but for now it looks bad.
But let’s move on to the positive side. Hurricane and Flair had a great exchange, and Hurricane telling Flair that the worst wrestling books that WWE has produced were better than his was pretty funny. The match wasn’t too bad either.
Even though she’s still pretty horrible, Lita‘s promo on Kane last night was miles beyond anything I’ve ever seen her do in the acting sense. But as good as her promo was, Jericho blew her away. That guy is one of, if not the best promo man in the whole d*** business. I’ve thought so for years. Nobody has a style or a delivery quite like his. I’ve seen many try but it just isn’t the same.
I like what they’re doing with Rhyno, and I’m sure that sooner or later he’ll be a tag champ. I hope they let him keep Tajiri for a partner, I think they’d be a really fun team to watch if the PPV is any indication.
Ok, I’m going to cut this off here because it’s getting kinda long. I also have no good way to end this so I’m just going to go now.
DoneS– 1 Win
From RAW Rage #52 (8/9/04): Dear Roland,
My losing streak continues to amaze me. Obviously, the opponents have grown stronger than ever before! I must continue to fight each week to recapture what is rightfully mine.
I’ve read online the rumors that Eugene would be facing the H’s at Summerslam. I need to know where the WWE is going with this. Eugene is fun to watch, but he reminds me more of Doink the Clown without the makeup than a main eventer. If there ever was a time where the WWE was going with the flavor of the week, this is it. The whole character’s appeal was that any match he won would be considered a great upset. Say he beats HHH-what next? The title? Does the WWE really think it can get away with Eugene as champ? Read that line again.
Now the Orton rumors I like. Putting the strap on a young, brash wrestler will give the fans someone new to hate, because hating HHH is old hat. Having him battle Evolution would be excellent. I can see him having good matches with the likes of Batista and Jericho, with the latter deserving of being back in the title hunt after his embarrassing (through no fault of his own) first reign. But is Orton ready? This question I raise to you and the readers. I just know I’m ready for something new.
Over on Wackdown!, the dead man is facing the Justin Hawk-er- JBL for the title. The Undertaker is no doubt a fan fav-but hasn’t it been about 2 years since he was considered a legit title contender? How can he carry the title for more than 2-3 months? This seems like nothing more than a filler title shot. I think that is ok for a monthly pay-per view (No way out, etc.) but not for one of the big 5. I don’t see any way he walks out with the title, and if he does, I would see it as a step back.
Diva Search- I mean, WTF? Why cancel Tough Enough, which I didn’t think was an awful show, yet at least gave us wrestling, and replace it with “The Wrestlerette?” Maybe it’d be more fun if instead of a rose, each eliminated girl was given a pedigree. I’m no woman hater, but come on, I’m watching wrestling.
That’s my spiel for this week. My pants are falling- gimme back my belt!!!
-Dones
Jish– 1 Win
From RAW Rage #54 (8/23/04): I’m not in the lead anymore in the Roundtable, so I need something to make me feel important. Being Raw Rage Champion will have to suffice. And besides, it wouldn’t hurt to actually put something entertaining in a Raw Rage every now and then, now would it Roland? Anyway, here goes:
The Lita/Kane segment is sure to be a classic next week on Raw. First of all, we all know how successful wedding angles are in the WWE. Why just the other every day I fondly recounted the events of Stephanie and Triple H’s wedding vow renewal ceremony. Ah, good times. But let’s not forget that Kane had a hand in that wonderful Katie Vick angle of yesteryear. Why I watch the tape of that each and every day to remind myself of the good old days and to recapture just a little of that magic. Yes, Wedding angle + Kane = equal big ratings. You’ve done it again, WWE. You’ve done it again.
I’ve mentioned this in the Fever (Coming to YOU every Sunday night at 8:00 Pacific, 11:00 Eastern time) but that redhead in the diva search contest, Christy, must DIE. Every time she comes onto the screen, I am overcome by an overwhelming desire to gouge her eyes out, followed by an overwhelming desire to gouge MY eyes out.
Man, I look a lot better in drag that Steven Richards does. When I get dressed up in my wig, skirt, high heels, sunglasses, and jewelry, you better believe there’s only ONE foxy lady in town, and her name is JADE! Hell Roland, I’ll even let you post that pic I sent you at the top of Raw Rage if you so desire. Yes, I know you’ve just been dying to post it, so go ahead. I’ll be awaiting the catcalls.
Jish
Wes– 1 Win
Dearest Chuckles,
I need the user account and password to log into Google to get the code to copy onto the site.
Retard.
-Wes
You’re probably hearing a lot about how you need to vote lately to be a good American – I’m not going to do that. Vote if you want or don’t. But it would be nice if you did (remember, you don’t have to write me anything in the email – just click and send…although a nice “Hey Roland, you are totally cool”” would be nice).
And the only way that you can qualify to get into the Ring Of Honor is to win the RAW Rage Championship which you can win by emailing me something.
Be a good American…
Gag Me
I said the last time we did this that if he ever showed up again on the net that I would bring it back. He has – so here it is:
There is a writer in the IWC that I’ve been begging to write for us for quite some time now. His name is Dave Gagnon and that crazy Canadian has written for such premier sites as 411mania and 1ryderfakin.com. And I almost had him at one point. But then 411 hired him back and he wrote there until the big split happened. Now, I don’t see him anywhere. And that is an injustice. GAGS MUST WRITE SOMEWHERE!!! I believe he needs to write here.
Now, you’ll remember a couple of weeks ago where Gags wrote me and said that since he was without a computer and trying to better his life through “education” (HA – what a lark that is! Substitue the word “education” with the word “pills” and you’ll have an honest sentence), he was announcing his retirement from the net. So, you could imagine my surprise when I got this email last week:
Hey guys,
Just to let you know that I’ll finally have new material at thewrestlingfan.com . A Gene Snitsky parody should be up by this weekend so if you’re curious to see what I’m up to, I’ll contribute there once in a while.
Gags
Education, Gags? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. So, of course I felt a bit like an overzealous fourteen-year-old that professes her love for whatever “Cory” is the hot thing in Tiger Beat magazine this month by mail and after she gets her standardized “You’re My Greatest Fan” letter back is crushed to learn he’s dating some buxom pop star so she burns his picture in effigy. Naturally, I wrote back:
I swear to all that’s holy Dave – WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU TO WRITE FOR SALTY HAM???
Syndicate the column…post it with us too…I BEG, I PLEAD, I even put a special section in my weekly RAW Rage where I publicly begged you for a while until you told us you were leaving the internet (which was great for material for the 2 weeks I did it).
Even if you don’t write for us – my special segment is coming back now.
[Obligatory butt-kissing and “I-can’t-wait-to-read-your-new-stuff” edited out to make me look like less of a moron than I already do]
Roland
Nice threat, huh? I’m sure he was shaking in his Canadian Mountie Boots when he found out I would publicly grovel for him to write here again. How terrifying for him.
But Gags was nice enough to respond:
Hey Roland,
Actually, I am still out of the net since I don’t even have a computer. I just managed to squeeze out a column for Sean because I promised him one a loooong time ago.
As far as syndicating the column…I could talk to Sean about it. But if he wants my material to be unique to his website, I can’t do anything about it.
The column will be posted tonight or tomorrow actually.
I’ll think about it over the weekend and I’ll email you like in the middle of the week.
Oh and I really loved that section about me.
Gags
I’ll not bother to include my response to him after that – but you can already guess that I gushed and made myself look like a complete tool. He ain’t writing for us after that. And who could blame Gags anyway. I mean, we’re just little old Salty Ham – how could we ever compete with the JUGGERNAUT that is “The Wrestling Fan Dot Com”?
I’m just so bitter. And sad.
Love me daddy.
RAW Rage #59 (10/25/04)k and
Don’t forget about the “Mrs. G’s Secret Wrestler Game”. You can play this game ONLY in Salty Ham Forums. Pick the same superstar on the RAW Roster that she does and you can win fabulous prizes. Here is your scale:
1 win – A picture of Roland from 12 years ago (or Roland at 18)
2 wins – A picture of Roland at 19 years old.
3 wins – A picture of Roland at 20, hung over and smoking.
4 wins – A picture of Roland at 28 – shaggy at the computer
5 wins – A recent picture of Roland (complete with new haircut and goatee)
6 wins – A picture of Roland’s High School Wrestling team with Chavo Guerrero Sr as coach.
7 wins – My wife’s picture of the Von Erich’s, autographed.
8 wins – Co Host RAW with me.
9 wins – Recap RAW for me
10 wins – A permanent spot in the RAW Rage Ring of Honor & a copy of the HORRIBLE and never seen first RAW Rage that I used to get the recapping job a The Balrog’s Lair. Believe me, I don’t really want that thing getting out.
So, go play in Salty Ham Forums.
Tonight, the wife picks Shelton Benjamin. Unfortunately, with my extended absence, not many people picked and nobody picked Shelton. Losers.
-CSI is on. Never seen one episode.
-Logo-guy talking backward-Bischoff picture with piped in “boos”-it’s RA…wait a minute. There’s a replay of the Tard vs. Scapegoat match at Taboo Tuesday. Wait a minute…this isn’t just a highlight replay – THEY’RE SHOWING THE WHOLE MATCH!!! For free????!!!??? This can’t be. Does McMahon hate money all of a sudden? Think of the DVD sales! You can’t just GIVE stuff like this away! And here I thought Vince was a Republican. Triple H has RUINED this company! The IWC was right all along.
By the way, you have to respect Bischoff for allowing himself to be humiliated so much. McMahon says to Coach, “Take your pants off.” Backstage, Batista fainted. However, after Coach bared those chest flapjacks and put the dress on, Batista suddenly lost interest. All of this and in the end – Vince’s toupee laughs at Bischoff’s gray hair.
-Out comes Bischoff, wearing the ALWAYS FASHIONABLE beret. He’s had it too. He’ll punish us all by bringing back Hogan and by George EVERYONE will be doing the J-O-B. Truth be told, Bischoff looks better with the haircut. And, didn’t we all see this look before in WCW? Much like many internet columnists – Bischoff gives himself the night off.
-Triple H and company come out. Funny – Trips proclaims that he is running the show tonight and NOBODY is surprised. As a result, he’s going to give Flair anything he wants tonight. Flair thinks about it for a minute and then says, “Wooo! You know what I want? Wooo! More than anything else? Wooo! I just want you to let me retire already! I want to have a little dignity in my old age and not have to be dragged out here so you can get verbally butt-kissed by a legend! Woooooooooooo!” Then, to accentuate the point, he gets on his knees in front of Trips. Batista rolls his eyes and mutters, “I was bestowed that honor five minutes ago.”
Then Orton comes out, because this segment wasn’t gay enough. The sheep chant “RKO” – but little does Randy know that it is in reference to the legendary studio, not his silly move. Anyone ever notice that Flair looks a bit like the Joker from the first Batman movie with a tomato head when he smiles? However, I must admit that nothing gives me greater pleasure than watching him do an elbow drop on his jacket. I love that so much.
-4,000,000 people voted for Taboo Tuesday. 120,000 actually bought it. SUCCESS!
-Benjamin is black and Jericho is white. These two will finally settle the race war in a match for the Intercontinental Title. Somewhere, in a quiet hotel room, Charlie Haas screams at his television, “At least I got a hot woman! I’m not a complete failure!” Next to him, Miss (soon to be Mrs.) Jackie smiles silently to herself, remembering the night at the Holiday Inn when she had jungle fever and Booker T was nowhere to be found. It was all about the Benjamin’s that night. The non-Canadian wins. Respect is given. Props are received. Then Christian beats up Shelton from behind.
-Bischoff and Coach prove they are no better than you and me by watching RAW together. Bischoff then quickly logs on to the internet to post about how Jericho is being held down. Coach orders a pizza. Neither of them will have a date for years.
-Trips and Flair hit on Christy while Batista thinks, “I love her outfit.”
-Edge threw a fit at Taboo Tuesday. He didn’t win the vote, he yelled at Shawn Michaels, he walked out on Benoit, he drove off in a huff, he came back and speared HBK into a loss to Triple H. And after all of this – STILL nobody cared.
-Mick Foley talked to some kids in Harlem. After the cameras stopped rolling, he RAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN.
-In the grand tradition of Halloween, Edge scares us all with his GIANT TEETH and the diabolical MONOTONE PROMO. The horror.
-Gimpy Shawn comes to the ring to brag about his injuries. Geez, him and Edge are like two old men, sitting on a porch, arguing over whose gout hurts more. The promo was going a little long so in the meantime I cleaned the house, walked the dog, cleared the leaves from my gutters, rotated my tires, changed the oil on my wife’s car, bought groceries for the week, mowed the yard, read War and Peace, watched Gods and Generals, Braveheart, The Ten Commandments, The Lord of the Ring Trilogy (extended editions), and all five Star Wars movies. Thankfully, Shawn was just finishing up when I turned back to Spike.
-Hey! Maven’s still alive! Good for him. Batista comes in to find out just how Tough Enough he really is. Maven asks for a match. Batista says that’s not what he meant but grants him the match as foreplay. He even lets Maven win because Batista is a bottom at heart.
-Hey! Christopher New…Newisk…Harvard guy and Sexual Chocolate are still alive! Good for them.
-Regal vs. Snitski. I refuse to make fun of Snitski – the greatest promo man of our time. Rock? Jericho? Austin? Flair? They all bow to King Snitski.
-Coach suggests maybe they turn on the football game. Bischoff slaps him upside the head.
-Trish recaps Lita’s life for her. Nobody is looking above the neck on either woman so nobody really knows why they start fighting. They only know they don’t want it to EVER stop.
-Did you know they have wrestling on Thursday night? Neither did I.
-Trips rants – Flair screams – Batista admires the feathers on Flair’s robe.
-Flair vs. Orton part 2. You know what the true sign is that Flair has wrestled way too long? It’s the fact that we have collectively forgotten about his man-boobs. When was it that we got used to those things? When did they become commonplace? Three men jump on Batista and I’ve never seen a bigger smile. The show ends in an anti-climatic way that was way too boring to mention.
The Score: I’ll be kind and give the show a 4 out of 10. Nothing much was really accomplished other than us getting teams together for Survivor Series.
[From Kingpin]
ESPN Announcer: So Roy, where have you been for the last fifteen years? I
Roy: Well, I uh, well, ya see, I uh… Drinking. Lot a drinking.
ESPN Announcer: I see. Well, are you still drinking?
Roy: No. I uh… I put… uh… Why, you buying?
Ask Roland
I’m no master when it comes to answers. But still people come to me and ask questions even though I’ve proven on more than one occasion that I’m mentally retarded. So, I continue to answer them. If you want to ask me a question, you need to do so in Salty Ham Forums.
Question: So how come when i type “saltyham.com” by its self in my web browser i get this site that seems to want to sell the name, but when I do www. or add /default.asp (which I have to do a lot) I get the real site. What gives?
Roland Answers: Uh, are you seriously complaining that you have to type “www”? I understand that we live in a lazy society, but are we not going to far when a simple “www” is asking too much? To answer your question, websites work when we set up the link. If Wes wanted to, he could make www.saltyham.com/jish_loves_naked_men link up to “Sunday Night Fever” if he wanted to. The simple answer to your question is that Wes didn’t link up “saltyham.com” to redirect itself to www.saltyham.com. However, since I bought the Salty Ham name from Go Daddy (they was cheap, yo), they put up a generic page so someone couldn’t claim it. You might want to read more clearly when you go there, however, as you will see it says “Salty Ham is Coming Soon” rather than trying to sell the domain name to you. Thanks for the question.
Remember, you can only ask me questions in the Salty Ham Forums. And (I think) next week, we have a doozey about who I like and don’t like within the Salty Ham staff. You won’t want to miss it because I will be answering honestly.
Put That In Your Pipe and QUOTE It!
You like to talk? You like to talk RASSLIN’? How about other geeky things like Movies, Music, Games, Sports, and Life? Well, I’ve got just the place for you – it’s Salty Ham Forums! You can talk about anything there and I will go in every week and steal someone’s post and make it the “Quote of the Week.” I mean, what else have I got going on in my life?
This week’s quote is an amazing story from our own TNA Impact Recap man: WT Harmon. Don’t skip over this as it may be the best post I’ve ever put up here:
Quote of the Week: I’ve had a few relationship problems in my day, and all this talk about breakups over the phone made me remember something that happened to me. Let me take you back…
The year was 1996. A very young, beardless, mullet wearing WT sat in his desk on the first day of the fourth grade. Moments before the bell, a short, mousy looking girl with coke bottle glasses walked in and in an instant I was smitten. The events of the rest of that day were quite hazy I was in a constant swirl of little kid puppy love. Now, I’ve always been a romantic kind of guy. I’d had lots of little girlfriends prior to her, but this was the first one that seemed real. Even though I still despise her with all my heart, I’m a good guy so I won’t tell you her real name. We’ll just call her “Donna.”
Now, right off Donna could tell I liked her. I’m not all that good at concealing how I feel. When I try, I get all gushy and mushy and girly. It sucks because no girl has ever gotten to hear any of the great pickup lines I’ve acquired over the years. “You smell like freedos, that’s why I’m giving you this hungry stare.” Anyway, I digress. One weekend, I got my parents to take us out to the movie theater for a date. Now, I know that sounds bad but we were ten and I couldn’t drive at the time. You understand. At that showing of “The Secret Garden” I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. Being the king nerd that I am, I almost freaked out when later she tried to hold my hand. Luckily I contained myself. That was my first romantic contact with a girl. Let’s fast forward.
Welcome to 1998. William Jefferson Clinton was the President of the United States. Pro Wrestling was just getting started with it’s second Boom period. WT had cut the mullet in favor of a flat top. Donna and I had been going out for almost two years and I had scarcely gotten to second base. I can’t pin point the day, but one Sunday something in her changed. She walked up to me, and waved me close. She then proceeded to whisper into my ear “I want you to screw me.” whoa, whoa, whoa. First, what’s an eleven year old doing saying that. I mean, she’s just a kid.
There are millions of different opinions on the sex issue. To drastically simplify it, there are three groups: Chaste, Frivolous and Emotionalists. The Chaste group, often for religious reasons, are saving themselves for marriage. The Frivolous group love sex and will do it as often as they can. My little brother is in this group. I, on the other hand, am a Emotionalist. I wouldn’t go around having sex with every girl that’ll drop trow, but saving myself for marriage isn’t for me. My one rule: I refuse to “Screw”. I won’t “F***”. I’m the kind of guy who will only Make Love. Love making is a special thing that two people can share. The others are just selfish.
Needless to say, I told her no. Donna just looked at me with puppy dog eyes, but I could not be swayed. Shortly thereafter, she started making goo-goo eyes at my best friend. I tried to ignore it. I won’t lie, I didn’t do a very good job. My friendship was strained, and it was hardly worth it. Yet I kept on, thinking that things would get better. I always think that, but they never do. When I write my autobiography, the title will be “If I wait, it’ll get better.”
Time passed and we reached the four year mark. Things didn’t change, at least for me. Over time, I started to see her making eyes at more and more guys. Then it was more than eyes. I was mad, but she always talked me down. If I knew then what I know now. Well, things started to get rocky and I knew it was close to the end. One day she was over and we were hanging out. Well, as usual we started arguing about something. Things got heated and she stormed off. An hour later I got a phone call from a friend of hers. Here’s a transcription of the conversation.
WT: Hello?
Friend: *blurts* Did you and Donna break up?
WT: Not that I’m aware of.
Friend: It’s what she told me.
WT: Well, I better check on that. *sarcastically* Thanks for letting me know.
*Click*
So I called her up, and formally ended things. I was as calm as any guy who had just had his girlfriend break up with him via her friend over the phone. Ok, so I yelled and screamed and called her several names I almost regret. Almost. Now this is the part I’ve been building up to. Flash to two weeks after Donna and I broke up. She’s in the park next to my house with my friend Kyle’s girlfriend. He had asked me to keep an eye on her, as he didn’t know if he could trust her. I’m a good guy, so I was sitting at the window with my binoculars watching intently. The walked, the whispered, they giggled. Typical girl stuff, up until I was something that would be forever attached to my name. I knew it wasn’t my fault but no one would believe it. What was it I saw? Donna and the girl started making out. Now, I’m forever “The guy who turned his Girlfriend into a lesbian.”
Wow.
I mean Wow.
See people? THIS is what goes on in The Salty Ham Forums! You only THINK I’m trying to shill my own website and get people to visit every day.
The girl’s real identity? Victoria of the WWE. Remember when she used to be all crazy and kinda hot? WT changed all that. Now she’s a happy gogogogogogogogogo-lucky lezbo.
Stay away from my wife, WT.
Nobody Ever Cared Who The Weakest Link Was
I’m taking it home now – but next week I plan on having even more stuff. That is if I don’t get lazy.
Eddie from TBL decided to grace us all with a rare appearance of “Eddie’s Corner” where he talks some Taboo Tuesday. It’s a good read and I’ve always like Edward. click here to read it.
New writers popped up all over the place around Salty Ham last week. We had The CURRENT Big Thing giving us some wrestling history, that dude Erico telling us about his overflowing toilet, and The Hoss to inform us about soccer. It’s a busy time in Salty Land.
Also, before you go – let me give you one of those online tests. This one is special and it will tell you if you’re gay or not. Yep – it’s a GAY TEST. Any you need to take it because we all need to know how gay we really are. So click here to find out how gay you really are. Oh, and if you tell me how you did, I’ll tell you my score.
Be gone – my golden words have ceased.
Roland
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