~~~~~THE TBL NEWSLETTER~~~~~
Volume 3, Issue 21
____________________
Official Newsletter of:
The Balrog’s Lair
“Still an Internet Original!”
And
W.O.W Revolution
“It’s What You’ve Been Waiting For”
____________________
Hello!
Welcome back – hope you enjoy. Not much to say today, so lets get right to it.
Roland G
Editor-in-Chief
Check Out Roland’s Website: Salty Ham!
rolandg77@sbcglobal.net
____________________
Change for HHH/Benoit WMXX Match
It now seems that the World Title match at Wrestlemania XX will now be a Triple Threat match – or so the current rumor is. Now, it will be Chris Benoit vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H.
Source: PWInsider.com
WWE Thinking About Producing ECW Type Show
The rumor mill is churning about the WWE producing a third brand. It would be centered around a more “hardcore” style, in the vein of ECW. It could even be called ECW since the WWE owns the name. If it were to happen, they would show it late at night – which is what they wanted to do with Shotgun Saturday Night, but were never able to make the transition.
More on this if it develops.
Source: Wrestling Observer Newsletter
WWE Wants Proof
The WWE seems to be interested in rapper Proof about making an appearance or perhaps signing a deal. Proof has tried to get close with the WWE because he would like to get his friends, The Colding Brother (who wrestle on the Indy circut), a possible deal. The WWE has seen the Colding Brothers and had no interest in signing them. But they are still interested in Proof. The smart money is that they would like him to appear at Wrestlemania XX to do a “rap battle” with John Cena, since they tried very hard to do that last year.
Source: Wrestling Observer Newsletter
Major Things to Happen with Lesnar/Goldberg at No Way Out
The plan is to have something major happen at No Way Out regarding Goldberg and Brock Lesnar. The two are slated to meet at Wrestlemania XX.
Source: WrestlingObserver.com
Savage To Headline TNA PPV
The word is that Randy Savage will headline the NWA:TNA PPV “Bound For Glory” on April 4th. He will probably face Jeff Jarrett. Since the company had tried to get Hulk Hogan and the debacle that ensued – don’t expect TNA to announce it until things are confirmed. Source: PW Torch
Wrestlers Upset with HHH Again
Many of the wrestlers backstage are stating that it is Triple H who used his influence to get the slower paced style of match so that it could favor his style and make him look better on TV. Many were upset also that his match with Shawn Michaels at the Royal Rumble then broke those rules and was allowed to be an exciting match.
There are also suspisions that Triple H is trying to get out of being the one pinned for the title at WMXX. It seems that he and Shawn Michaels used their powers of persuasion to make the match a triple threat so that Triple H would not have to be pinned by Chris Benoit to win the title.
Source: PW Torch
Gowen Released By WWE
Zach Gowen was released on 2/4 by the WWE. Jim Ross gave him his walking papers. Ross, however, said he wouldn’t be surprised if Gowen came back some time down the road.
Source: WWE.com
TNA Thinking About WWE Stable
Over at TNA, they are thinking about making a stable of former WWE stars. Both Brian “Spanky” Kendrick and Zach Gowen have recently left the WWE and Gowen worked for TNA before signing with the WWE. And there are plenty other former stars already in TNA for them to work with. If it’s done – the group could debut before the “Bound for Glory” PPV in April.
Source: PW Torch
Chyna to Debut on TNA
Joanie Laurer (aka “Chyna”) will be making her TNA debut on February 18th. She is expected to be in an angle with Johnny Fairplay and will be called Cynna Doll.
Source: WrestlingObserver.com
Rock Update
Since there has been no apperances by The Rock ono WWE Television in January (as he stated would happen) or in February yet – many are wondering if it will happen at all. The plan is to have Rock appear in some taped segments to help build for his tag match with Foley at WMXX. Many of the wrestlers, however, don’t feel like the WWE should bother, since they feel the Rock is only about Hollywood anyway.
Source: PW Torch
Info on This Week’s Backstage WWE Meetings
The main focus of the backstage meetings for the WWE this week were to focus on the refs. They would like to give the refs more credibility by having them catch more things that wrestlers try to get away with within the story of the match, like missed tags and double teams. This would mean less ref distractions and bumps.
Also, many are getting irritated by Johnny Ace because he is viewed as a brown-noser to Vince.
Source: 1wrestling.com
Urlacher Defends Himself for TNA
Brian Urlacher spoke with the Chicago Tribune about his appearances on TNA and defended his position. The Chicago Bears front office has been very vocal in opposition to the move. Here is what Urlacher said:
“I don’t surf, I just play golf, and I went to the pool (Wednesday) for six hours – is it in my contract that I can’t do that?”
“I don’t know what the big deal was. I play pickup (basketball) games twice a week at Halas Hall, but (the wrestling stunt) is not OK? It’s OK to play hoops, but you can’t do anything else? I don’t care. If I’m not supposed to do it, I’m doing it.”
Source: 1wrestling
_________________________
Affiliates!
If you would like to be a TBL and WOW Revolution Newsletter affiliate and have your website reach hundreds of mailboxes every week,email me and we’ll get your link in the Newsletter.
Visit our great affiliates!
Salty Ham
Confounded Accusations
UCF World.com
The Wrestling Journal
Vomit Comet
We are always looking to feature affiliates in the Newsletter, so feel free to contact Roland G to find out how you can be featured each and every week!
__________________________
THE LOGICAL APPROACH
By Rick Elsey
Re-Launching an Icon
With all the talk in the last few days of WWE possibly branching out with a third brand, similar in formula to ECW, I thought I’d take the opportunity to throw a few ideas out there. Basically I am totally for the return of a WWE version ECW as long as Paul Heyman is put in charge of the product and given free reign to book as he sees fit. I mean, McMahon gives Brian Gerwitz free reign with Raw and he gives his daughter free reign on Smackdown… so why not. If he wants the new brand to succeed, much less be taken even remotely serious; he’d better seriously consider turning over control of the brand to Heyman.
But the big question is how could they bring about the resurrection of a brand as cultish in statue as ECW, without more so angering the very fans they are trying to win back? Well, I think I have a plausible solution to the potential problem. As many of you have noticed over the last few weeks the war of words between RAW and Smackdown has become more and more heated. Smackdown talent Chris Benoit has jumped to RAW, and is poised to face Triple H and Shawn Michaels in a triple Threat Match for the World Championship; while RAW talent, Bill Goldberg looks headed for a confrontation with WWE Champion, and Smackdown talent, Brock Lesnar. And as if that wasn’t enough, long-time Smackdown talent, The Undertaker is about to face off with RAW talent, Kane at in an interpromotional match. All of this is leading into the biggest card of the year, WrestleMania 20. Now I’m sure you’re wondering what exactly all of this has to do with the re-launching of the ECW product. Well I’m getting there.
Why not go all out and have a Brand vs. Brand 6-Man tag match with serious stipulations. With Benoit, Triple H and Shawn Michaels tied up in a Main Event match, and Randy Orton & Batista scheduled to face Mick Foley and The Rock, RAW only has a hand full of top names left to participate in that type of serious match. If you take Booker T, RVD and team them with say, Matt Hardy, who is in desperate need of a push; you have a nice little team of three. Meanwhile on Smackdown, with Brock facing Goldberg and Eddie Guerrero likely to face Kurt Angle (and I’m predicting this will be the WWE Title Match), there is a shortage of big names over there as well. So why not really mix the team up and use John Cena, The Big Show and the returning Edge? Now that the teams are secure, what is the huge stipulation? That should be obvious… the losing GM has to leave WWE. Nice and easy. Of course the Smackdown side has to lose, say by Big Show getting pinned by Matt Hardy, sending Heyman packing. Linda McMahon can then reinstate Stephanie McMahon as GM of Smackdown.
I know, I know… as I said before… I’m getting there.
Now in order to further the set up, Vince McMahon can force the transfer of former Heyman associates, Rhyno, Dawn Marie, Tajiri, Nunzio and Tazz to RAW, as part of his temper tantrum over Smackdown’s loss to RAW, thus causing the return of his daughter. Meanwhile on RAW, Bischoff would begin a practice of mistreating any former Heyman associates, along with the new recruits from Smackdown. After a month or so of this, any former Heyman associate on RAW would receive a letter, asking them to be present at a secret location on a certain date. You could spice up the mystery by having some of the talents inquire with their fellow talent asking if they received a letter and what they would be doing in response. The date would coincide with the day before the June PPV, a RAW only show, which I believe is Badd Blood.
The next step in the re-launch is executed at Badd Blood, when during the World Championship match between Chris Benoit (who incidentally would not attend the meeting, regardless of being a former ECW talent) and Triple H; the lights go out in the arena. When they come back on, Benoit and Triple H are both laid out cold and bloodied… and standing in the ring holding the World Championship in one hand and the ECW Title in the other, is the last man to be called ECW champion, Rhyno! Rhyno heads out of the building through the crowd, having stolen the World Championship. The next night on RAW, Eric Bischoff would receive a letter stating that the belt would be returned to him in the ring at Summer Slam when he and his top Raw talent meet Rhyno and his benefactor face to face. On the same show, many former ECW stars are absent from the show. The Smackdown PPV in July, Vengeance, showcases a Eddie Guerrero/Brock Lesnar rematch from No Way Out; and during the match another lights out routine takes place with same results and same ending as Rhyno escapes with the WWE Championship. The next Smackdown features Stephanie McMahon receiving the same kind of letter that Bischoff received, demanding that she and her top man from Smackdown meet Rhyno and his benefactor in the ring at Summer Slam.
At Summer Slam, Eric Bischoff brings Chris Benoit, Stephanie McMahon brings Eddie Guerrero and Rhyno arrives, much to no one’s surprise, with Paul Heyman and a 3 Way Dance is held for the Undisputed Title. The match would end in a schmooze as all the champions would retain and the belts would be returned. However, all the formerly AWOL talent, made up of all former Heyman associates that had disappeared from Raw, along with others from Raw and Smackdown that seemingly have defected; storm the ring and lay waste to Bischoff, Benoit, Stephanie and Eddie. Raw and Smackdown superstars try to get to the ring, but the Heyman’s crew holds them off. Vince McMahon comes down and demands that Heyman explain his actions. Heyman, surrounded by his brood, tells Vince that when he was forced to leave Smackdown due to the match at Mania he went to Linda McMahon and threatened to sue the entire company. After all, Benoit showed up on RAW under questionable circumstances, Goldberg was allowed to disrupt Smackdown proceedings without reprimanding, and now suddenly Heyman is out of a job and Stephanie McMahon is back in? Linda evidentally felt he had a good case, because she gave him a very nice severance package, which included the one thing Vince can not take any credit for… and that is the rights to re-launch the brand that forever changed professional wrestling and lead the way for WCW and WWE to have their little Monday Night Wars… and that brand is E…C…W! So Heyman spent that last few months contacting any talent who had an option to leave their respective brand and many of his former ECW employees, packing all that talent into the newest WWE brand, WWE-XTREME!
Now of course this is not a fool proof plan. Nothing ever is. But it is a scenario that makes sense and uses the proper build up for such a product-altering event. I would say trash Velocity and Heat, move Confidential to Sunday and use it as a magazine show featuring a recap of both the RAW and Smackdown product, with a few insider-type segments maybe once or twice a month, pre-advertised so that way the hardcore fans can look forward to it and watch accordingly. Meanwhile, take the two hours left on Saturday and give Heyman that time, after the family hour is over and let him do what he does best. I understand that ECW can never again truly be what it once was back its heyday. However, if a watered down version, different even in the slightest from your everyday product; is what we have to look forward to, then at least let the man who gave it to us originally do it correctly.
I would like to end my commentary by doing something very out of character for me; I would like to give Vince McMahon huge thumbs up for the last month of solid programming and big thanks for keeping himself and his family off of TV for the most part. I realize that this could backfire and they could all show up next week, but it has been nice. I don’t mind the McMahon’s; I just don’t want the focal point of the product on them.
Thanks for reading, and as always, please let me know what you think.
Rick Elsey
rickelsey@hotmail.com
_________________________
THE TWO SHEDS REVIEW
By: Julian Radbourne
E-mail: twosheds316@aol.com
Website: www.twoshedsreview.vze.com
In the dying days of World Championship Wrestling, they were being touted as the next big superstars of professional wrestling, graduates (for the most part), of the WCW Power Plant training facility in Atlanta. The Natural Born Thrillaz were a group of young, hungry, up-and-coming stars who had the world at their feet. Unfortunately, this world came crashing down around them as WCW’s high-spending in years gone by finally caught up with them. As they were being pushed to the moon and back, Vince McMahon snapped up his rival in exchange for the proverbial bag of peanuts.
But it didn’t look that bad for this group of athletes. As well as buying the WCW brand name and it’s vast video back catalogue, McMahon acquired the contracts of more than twenty wrestlers as well. However, even though they were relatively successful in WCW, this didn’t mean that this success would transplant itself to the WWF, especially given the fact that the WWF creative team seemed intent on slaughtering anything to do with their former rivals.
So now, three years on, just what has happened to this group?
Until he arrived in WCW, Shawn Stasiak was famous for three things in the wrestling business – being the son of former WWF World Champion Stan “The Man” Stasiak, being Kurt Angle’s first pay-per-view opponent, and being fired by the WWF for covertly recording conversations he had with other wrestlers.
When he arrived in WCW, he quickly earned a televised victory over Curt Hennig. After this, Stasiak labelled himself “The Perfect One”, and shortly afterwards, he was teamed with a graduate of the Power Plant, the man mountain that is Chuck Palumbo. Given the nickname “The Event”, Palumbo and Stasiak became known as “The Perfect Event”, and soon became tag-team champions. However, although Palumbo showed he had the makings of a good wrestler, he was hardly capturing the imagination of the crowd.
Around the same time, another rookie tag-team came onto the scene. Mark Jindrak and Sean O’Haire had the looks and the talent. Although they were green around the gills at first, they showed some good moves, and reminded quite a few fans of the Hardy Boys, although they were a bit bigger than their WWF counterparts. However, although Jindrak and O’Haire received some good support from the fans to begin with, the WCW writers decided it was in their best interest to turn them heel.
Then came Mike Sanders. A man of cruiserweight proportions, Sanders wasn’t cut out of the high-flying mould, but he did have two things going for him, two things that the wrestlers I’ve just mentioned didn’t have – charisma, and the ability to work a crowd. It wasn’t long before Sanders won the cruiserweight title, and in addition, he was also made WCW Commissioner, feuding with Earnest “The Cat” Miller. But then again, this was at a time when it seemed like everyone in the company had had a short stint as commissioner. But still, Sanders excelled in the role.
And so the Natural Born Thrillaz were born, and while they were pushed by the writers, announcers such as Tony Schivane and Mike Tenay told us how these men were the future of sports entertainment, the next generation of wrestling superstars.
But they still needed something extra, and they soon got it in wily old veteran Kevin Nash. As the NBT took their first steps on television, Nash could be seen in an advisory role, telling the young guns just what they should do and how they should go about it. As Nash’s time in the ring decreased steadily, his time as unofficial father figure to this team grew and grew. But as with most things in wrestling, this relationship didn’t last long as the pupils soon turned on the teacher. Nash was being outnumbered, so he turned to his old friend Diamond Dallas Page for help. The “cut-price Outsiders”, as Mark Madden called them, soon won the tag-team titles from Jindrak & O’Haire. Nash & Page didn’t hold the belts for long though, as the NBT regrouped, putting together the two power men of the team, Palumbo & O’Haire together. The two youngsters soon brought the gold back into the NBT camp.
While this was going on, Sanders continued to feud with Miller. As even more changes behind the scenes meant that many storylines were dropped without being truly explained, Sanders lost the commissionership to Miller.
As with many factions, the Natural Born Thrillaz soon went their separate ways. Palumbo & O’Haire would go on to feud with Jindrak & Stasiak, before Stasiak went on to form a short and unexplained relationship with Stacey Keibler.
But then, it happened. WCW went under, and many of the NBT jumped ship to the WWF.
Palumbo & O’Haire had the distinction of being the last “true” WCW Tag-Team Champions, as they held the belts as the company officially closed it’s doors. However, this didn’t seem to mean much to anyone in Titan Towers. Palumbo & O’Haire were two of the first WCW wrestlers to appear on WWF television during the Invasion angle, but on their first appearance, they were literally slaughtered by every WWF mid-carder as they came through the crowd and jumped into the ring. They didn’t stand a chance.
As the WCW/ECW Alliance was born, Palumbo & O’Haire were scheduled to face the WWF Tag-Team Champions, the APA of Farooq and Bradshaw. Although the ensuing pay-per-view match at Invasion was good, commentators Jim Ross and Michael Cole seemed to spend the majority of the match telling us all how young and inexperienced Palumbo & O’Haire were, and how they didn’t really deserve to be in the ring with the likes of the APA. It was as if Ross and Cole were doing all they could to kill off their WWF careers before they even began.
But the commentators had a helping hand from within the ring just a short time later, as the Brothers of Destruction, Kane & The Undertaker, made Palumbo & O’Haire look even worse than Ross and Cole ever could. The two WWF veterans literally gave them nothing as they took the WCW titles from them. Now without a championship, Palumbo & O’Haire faded into the Alliance background as the titles they once wore with pride were now being traded around like candy between more established tag-teams. In fact, Palumbo faded so far into the background that he was “fired” by the Alliance.
Meanwhile, Stasiak and Jindrak also had their part to play in the Alliance’s war with the WWF, although hardly anyone remembers just what Jindrak did during this time. He was nothing more than a bit part player, often appearing on the weekend shows, never making it to the big stage on a Monday or Thursday night. It wasn’t long before Jindrak was being sent down to Ohio for tuning up. At least Stasiak was making it to the big shows, even though he was being portrayed as a bumbling fool. Stasiak seemed intent on pleasing Alliance leader Steve Austin more than anything else, but all he succeeded in doing was making himself look like an idiot, and in the ring, nobody cared what he did.
At least these four were part of the angle. As far as Sanders was concerned, the WWF knew he had the skills in the ring and on the microphone to get over with the crowd, but rather than let him do his piece, he ended up down in Ohio as well.
Just as the Invasion was coming to an end, Palumbo announced that he had formed a new team with “Mr. Ass” himself, Billy Gunn. You could hear the apathy coming from the fans at the WWF’s New York restaurant when they made this announcement. Despite all of their attempts in the past, Billy Gunn was still treated like someone with the plague by the fans. However, in the past, the WWF had had some success when two no-hopers had been paired together, and if this team was going to work, they needed some drastic changes to their personalities. Although in the case of Palumbo, he needed a personality.
And in came Rico, fresh from a stint in Ohio, the mutton-chopped one came in as Billy & Chuck’s style guru. It wasn’t long before the three of them were camping it up, big time. Yep, previously heterosexual studs, Billy Gunn & Chuck Palumbo, were now living it up in a style Adrian Street and the Travesty Man would have been proud of. This just went to show that a great deal of wrestling fans had very short memories, because during the memorable Billy v Bart Gunn feud, didn’t Billy’s real-life wife actually appear in the ring after an accident or something?
But that didn’t matter. With their bleached-blonde hair and new theme tune, and with Rico strutting around the ring in his leopard-skin print suit, Billy & Chuck were getting noticed, and getting a great deal of heat from the fans. They soon became tag-team champions, but at the time, this didn’t actually mean that much. It wasn’t long before the brand extension made the team the exclusive property of Smackdown. All the division of talent did was decimate the tag-team division, which meant that even though they were that tag-team kings of Thursday night television, they didn’t really have any decent competition. Indeed, their first contenders were put-together team of Rikishi and their own stylist Rico.
Despite the fact that the brief feud with Rico almost lead to the splitting up of the team, the relationship between Billy & Chuck remained strong, so strong in fact that what happened next earned them a great deal of mainstream publicity. You know what I’m talking about. Billy & Chuck were getting married.
The press the WWE received for this was enormous. When they announced that a gay wedding would be taking place on Smackdown, it made news all over the world. However, when the big day came, it proved to be something of a letdown. Yet Billy & Chuck almost went through with it, before they announced that the whole event was nothing more than a publicity stunt. It was then that the bigger plan was revealed, as then newly appointed Raw General Manager Eric Bischoff revealed that he was the minister conducting the service. As he ripped off his latex mask, Rico revealed his true colours as Three Minute Warning, Rosey & Jamal, stormed to the ring and kicked the crap out of everyone they could get their hands on, even Smackdown General Manager Stephanie McMahon. This set up an inter-promotional pay-per-view match, but by this time, hardly anyone gave a rat’s ass about Billy & Chuck anymore. The WWE gained a great deal of negative publicity for not actually going through with the gay marriage angle.
This was the writing on the wall as far as the Billy & Chuck team were concerned. They never really recovered from the situation. After the then tag-team champions, Lance Storm & Christian, defected to Raw, the WWE announced a short time later that Smackdown would be getting their own tag-team championship. Billy & Chuck were entered into the tournament, but surprisingly, went out in the early rounds. When they finally had the chance to get some competition, the chance was taken away from them.
As Billy Gunn went down with another shoulder injury, Palumbo again faded into the background a little, before being put with another stable. A short time earlier, James Maritato, the artist formerly known as Little Guido and now known as Nunzio, formed a new version of the Full Blooded Italians faction, along with Palumbo & Johnny “The Bull” Stamboli. The faction has enjoyed moderate success over the past few months, their most notable act being their short feud with the Undertaker. But despite their members having put on some good matches in the past few months, the creative team doesn’t seem to know how to handle them at the moment. A run with the tag-team belts would have helped Palumbo & Stamboli, because they certainly show more charisma, and are certainly more over with the fans than the current champions, the Basham Brothers.
As far as Sean O’Haire goes, one is left scratching his head. After the Invasion angle finished, O’Haire relocated to Ohio before he was brought back to the Smackdown brand last year. A series of viginettes introduced us to O’Haire’s latest character, a sort of devil’s advocate who preeched a certain set of rules to those who would listen. When he began to appear in backstage segments, he began to coerse unsuspecting victims, getting them to do things that they wouldn’t normally do, his most memorable act was getting Brian “Spanky” Kendrick to “streak” in front of a live crowd. This angle and character promised much, but for some unexplained reason, O’Haire was placed with the returning Roddy Piper. As the Rowdy One came back with his Piper’s Pit interview segment, O’Haire became nothing more than Piper’s lackey, standing around in the background as Piper showed that he certainly wasn’t the man he was ten or fifteen years ago. When Piper left, O’Haire’s airtime decreased even more, which made people wonder why the WWE had spent all of that time promoting him when they hadn’t done a thing with him since.
But at least this Sean faired a lot better than the other Shawn. On the Raw brand, Stasiak was still treated to a tremendous amount of apathy from the fans. Now claiming to be a resident of “Planet Stasiak”, he showed that while he still had some glimmering of talent, nobody gave a damn, and it wasn’t long before he was shown the door once again. This time, tape recordings had nothing to do with his dismissal.
As for O’Haire’s first tag-team partner, Mark Jindrak is now plying his trade on the Raw brand, teaming with Garrison Cade, having spent a great deal of time in Ohio. However, although the team shows promise, it needs a gimmick, something to make the fans really take notice of them, something more than just attacking Evolution in the locker room. There was a rumour a few weeks ago that Jindrak & Cade would reveal that they were in fact gay. It made one think back to the heady days of Billy & Chuck. It also made you wonder if the writers would ever learn from their past mistakes. Jindrak & Cade need something more than just cheap shock tactics to get over with the fans. If they don’t find something soon they’ll be confined to weekend television for years to come.
The man who could have gone far, at least to Intercontinental title level, was never given a chance. Despite the fact that Vince McMahon himself was known to have been an admirer of his skills in WCW, Mike Sanders never got close to a slot in the WWE. There were rumours that he would be given a job as an announcer, but reports came out that for some reason Paul Heyman had taken a disliking to Sanders, and had persuaded McMahon not to give Sanders his chance. This is a great shame. If he hadn’t been given the chance to shine as a wrestler of an announcer, he have gotten a shot as an old-fashioned manager, the likes of which we haven’t seen since the heyday of Jimmy Hart & Bobby Heenan. As a trained wrestler he would have been able to take some degree of physical punishment. But then again, he was never given his chance.
These men were touted as the future of wrestling by a company that was, at one time, regarded as the best wrestling promotion in the world. The simple fact is that when WCW died, the chances they would have had probably died with it. What would have happened if WCW hadn’t closed down, if they had been able to get a decent, strong creative team who would have been more than willing to give these “Natural Born Thrillaz” a chance? One of them could have been WCW World, or at least United States Champion by now. The WWE creative team may have looked at them in a different way had they achieved a great deal of success in Atlanta.
_________________________
“ROUNDING THE SQUARED CIRCLE”
“MOURN NOT FOR ME”
OR
“WHERE THERE’S NURSE BETTY JEAN JO DUDLEY, THERE’S HOPE”
VISIT MY HOME PAGE: http://members.aol.com/samjerry
When last you heard from me, nurse, Betty Jean Jo Dudley had given me an injection with a syringe that could choke an elephant. I was unconscious for three days and have been delirious ever since. Being unable to improve my condition ands as the Terminal Writers Block (TWB) steadily worsened, my physician, Dr. Bubba Bob Ray Joe Dudley, called in the world’s leading expert on the disease, Dr. Dudley D. Dudley, Professor of Weird Sh*t of The Dudley University For Odd Maladies and Animal Husbandry.
The first thing Dr. Dudley (the new one) did was take nurse Dudley’s keys to the medicine cabinet away. Seems she’s a Dirtbag Doophus Page (DDP) fan and has been injecting me with 150 Proof Rum, and using a rusty needle. It was the wildest drunk I’ve ever had. If only she would have used a needle meant for humans rather than the one she’s been nailing me with. Dr. Dudley expects me to slowly recover and perhaps even write something remotely interesting in the near future. Don’t hold your breath waiting.
In my stupor I thought I saw NITRO II and SmackDown, but there’s no TV in my room, so you’ll have to bear with me. What has happened since last I took pen to paper (pen to paper? told you I was delirious).
HHH retained his Title by tying The Over The Hill Kid. At the same time Canadian Crybaby No. 2 (CC No. 2 ) won the Royal Rumble, thus getting a Championship shot. He chose to challenge HHH, thereby pushing The Kid to the side at Wrestlemania (WM). Knowing that HHH only loses in years that it rains on Pluto, and that CC No. 2 is going to win the World Championship (Grandpa Dudley came to me while I was in my stupor and told me), how can it happen? Grandpa said that the match at WM will be made a Triple Threat Match, allowing CC No. 2 to pin The Kid, and win the Title. This keeps HHH’s record clean and gives (actually it’s only a loan) the Title to CC No. 2. That way everybody is happy, except The Kid, and since he doesn’t have that much clout any more, oh well.
While all this was going on, $oldberg was still seething over Godzilla nailing him at The Royal Rumble. Grandpa Dudley also told me that they will face each other at WM, with Godzilla’s Title on the line. Never mind that MaMa Guerrero’s favorite taco chomper, Our American Olympic Zero, The Big Slowass and The WWE’s answer to P. Diddy, are all looking to become The Numero Uno contender and face Godzilla at WM … as a former wrestler used to say “It doesn’t matter.” The WWE has played you like a fine violin if you think any of them will face Godzilla. Good Old Eric has a better chance of it then they do.
In my delirium, I thought I saw Elmer Fudd riding a farm tractor on NITRO II, playing Sheriff, or was it Marshal? When I woke I asked about it and found it was really Stone Cold Beer Man (SCBM), not Elmer. I couldn’t believe that the old ass kicking, beer swilling, rule breaking, screw the boss and the horse he rode in on, foul mouth has become a joke on wheels. This may have been funny the first time it was done, but it is a one trick pony. Why would SCBM want to turn himself into a cartoon character? Memo to the Writing Team: Give it up while SCBM still has some dignity left. Otherwise we may be looking at the return of The Red Rooster.
Just when I thought it was safe lying here in my bed, here come my new nurse, Betty Jo Jean Dudley. I’m glad I wont be getting any more elephant needles. “Hi Betty Jo Jean.” Oh sh*t, it’s not Betty Jo Jean, it’s Betty Jean Jo, and she’s got an even bigger needle, if that’s possible. Here we go agai …………
_________________________
Goodbye!
Short this week, kids. I don’t have a lot of time to write a big sendoff and all, but you should go and check out The Balrog’s Lair because there is always something there for you. Later!
Roland G
Check Out Roland’s Website: Salty Ham!
rolandg77@sbcglobal.net
____________________
Copyright © 1999 – 2004
