Greetings Ericoholics and welcome to another edition of RAW is Erico! I’m Eric “Scarface” Barnes, and I’ll be your host for the duration.
RAW kicked off with portions of Team Bischoff and Team Austin going at eachother, namely Booker T with RVD, and Jericho with Christian. I missed a little bit of this match because I was trying to figure something out with my new cell phone, which I will be using soon on new editions of the Inside Scoop! Shameless plug there, eh?
Anyway, from what I saw of the match it came off really well. The bad guys won by cheating (wouldn’t want baddies to get a clean win would we?).
We go backstage where Coach attempts to immitate Austin’s clearing of the throat. Not a great attempt, but you’ve got to give it to him for trying. Coach says he’s going to interview Austin after the match at the Survivor Series…Austin says he will kick Coach’s ass no matter what happens. Poor Coach, just get back in the RAW announce booth and annoy JR! Please?
Molly does an interview with Terri, and then decides to beat up Terri! You can bet she wouldn’t have tried that with Funaki or Josh Matthews! She beats her up all the way to the ring where Lita attempts to make the save, but then gets double teamed by Molly and Gail Kim (just like in all my fantasies)! Gail was totally nippin’ yo!
Austin goes to Shawn Michaels to beat around the bush for 5 minutes. When he finally asks HBK to be on his team, Michaels accepts, and we’ve got complete teams biotch!
Lita is hurt! She has feeling in her arms though so that’s a good sign! So in comes Christian with some faux concern. This would’ve been a good place for Matt Hardy to debut on RAW. There had better be an even better place next week, or dare I say, SURVIVOR SERIES! (cue dramatic music)
Heeeeeeerrrrrree’s BATISTA…oh and that Flair guy too. But more importantly than anything else on RAW tonight apparently is the fact that Lebron James is in the audience. Yo “King James” when the camera gets right in your face, that’s your cue to wave, not to just sit there like an idiot. Oh well, he’s just a rookie.
So then out comes Maven, and gets his ass kicked by Batista. There was never any doubt. There are a set of superstars that Maven can beat, and Batista isn’t one of them. This was a decent match for what it was though, and I was entertained.
Now no offense to anybody out there that was entertained by the Kane segment, but I just thought it was completely stupid. Put together a video package, don’t have Kane cutting a promo over a couple of obviously non-EMTs talking to a camera inside an ambulance. I dub this “the stupidest promo of November.”
Cade and Jindrak are frickin’ pumped! This week they take on the Dudleys in a non title match which means it’s ok for them to win. Of course these rooks can’t get a clean win over the Dudleys, so they have Steiner come out with Stacy and hold her up over his head. I don’t get it. Anyway that distracts Bubba enough to lose the match. Wasn’t this the guy that had near orgasms by putting women through tables not to long ago? Oh the times they are a changin’.
Bischoff and Austin come out to sign a contract for the match at Survivor Series, but to make it official Bischoff announces the fifth member of HIS team, the “Legend Killer” himself…Randy Orton! Orton says he killed the legend that is HBK (who will be in the same match with him at SS…), and next he wants to add Austin to his list. Austin gets pissed off, and then Bischoff badmouthes Austin about his book. That was a pretty interesting little fact about Austin’s chain by the way.
Back to business, the contract gets signed in the midst of all these things, and Austin makes sure the crowd gets to say “Hell Yeah!” a bunch of times. What?
In the back Batista calls Austin a “*beep beep* COWARD.” Hmm…what could he have said? Austin fumes, and I think a booger comes out.
Val Venis comes out for no reason whatsoever (I don’t usually catch Heat…what exactly am I missing here?), but it’s worth it because he has some fine hoes with him. Wait…that was the Godfather, hell, I guess these chicks are just porn stars. At least that’s what Lawler would have us to believe.
Rico comes out and I am afraid I am going to have to see him fight Val Venis again, but luckily it’s Lance Storm. Poor Lance, weren’t you being pushed just a few weeks ago? Storm looks good in there as always, and gets the win over Rico. Val lets Lance celebrate with the hoes…dammit, I mean porn stars.
Chris Jericho and Trish Stratus flirt it up somethin’ fierce, and Chris gets pretty mad when Trish announces that she saw Little Johnny. This whole thing is just weird.
Trish and John Heidenre..Hyed…WHATEVER, take on Victoria and Steven Richards. John once again fails to impress me. Send him to SmackDown. Everybody’s either really big or really small over there, it’ll work out great for him I’m sure. Back to business, Trish and John win. Jericho creepily watches the whole thing from the back. Ok, so it’s not that creepy.
Coach bothers Austin some more, this time it’s about what Batista had to say. Austin said he’s making himself guest ENFORCER for the main event, and if anybody wants some, come and get it. Austin then flails around a gun and shoots Coach. Ok that didn’t happen but I think ratings would’ve gone up if it had.
Kane is still hanging around the back for some reason and out comes Sgt. Slaughter! I was sure he was there to avenge Linda McMahon. Wait…she’s not dead, so Slaughter just gives Kane a note. It’s from Shane, and apparently a challenge for next week. Spooky Nootchies.
Austin goes to the ring. The show goes to commercial.
We get back and HBK comes out. Come on Shawn, let’s get some new ring attire dude, I’ve seen that at least like…once before. As much as I dislike Henry, I think he put on a decent match with Michaels, not that it was great, but better than I expected. Although the bear hug looked like it could’ve been a scene straight out of a gay porn with all the writhing and facial expressions. Shawn Michaels wins!
Austin gives Shawn props, but then kindly asks him to leave the ring so Batista can come out and those two can fight. Batista waits until exactly after the commercial break to come out. COINCIDENCE?! Anyway Batista and Austin go back and forth, and then Mark Henry attacks Austin also. Looks like this is going to be to much for Austin…good thing GOLDBERG’S HERE!
Goldberg clears the ring, even with his shattered ankle. Austin tells Goldie to drink with him, but the Berg will have none of it! UNLESS…Austin gives him a match with Batista next week. Austin says oh hell yeah, and the two drink the night away!
NEXT WEEK
Kane does something with Shane McMahon, and I still won’t care! Goldberg will fight Batista, and lose due to interference from the Game, because he is THAT DAMN GOOD. I’ve got to go easy on the caps.
WRAP UP
Overall a good show, and RAW as a product is improving for the better every week. Some people might say this week had to much Austin, but I think it was ok, and if he does lose at Survivor Series we’re going to need all the Austin we can get right now to make up for the void he will leave. I can’t imagine a RAW ran completely by Eric Bischoff again. It sucked. Well, RAW Roulette was cool, but you know what I mean. Well, that’s all from me this week. Thanks for reading, and until next week, I’ll see you on the FLIP SIDE!
