“…So screw ratings, because all the John Cena’s, and all the Randy Orton‘s and Brock Lesnar’s will carry this company for a long time to come…” – an excerpt from Eddie T’s 9.20.02 edition of The Prime Cut.
(In the case of Lesnar and Orton, Eddie has no clue how very right he is.)
Yo. My name is Michael Blaszkowski, and some of you know me as Rey Mysterio Jr. No, not really, but wouldn’t that be cool? I mean, I could do flips, and hit a hurracanranna out of nowhere. God, that would be the life. Actually, who wants to be Rey Mysterio Jr.? I’d so rather be Chris Jericho. I mean, the 619 is cool and all, but Jericho’s a living legend AND a HUGE rock star. The only way you could beat that is if your last name was Austin. C’mere news, you’ve been a bad little girl and its time for your medicine…
Who knew Pandas were so damned mean? In our Top Story for today, the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) is suing World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE, the artist formerly known as WWF) once again, this time over the old WWF license appearing on old videogames that were released before the lawsuit took place. Although the hometown favorite is WWE, the WWF is 1 and 0 while facing them. According to the buzz, look for a knockout in round 3, followed by some kind of settlement.
RAW is getting old. Not, like, the fact that the same thing happens and no new storylines are really focused on, but more that it’s been around for a few years. Ten to be exact. Well, not exactly, because the ten year anniversary hasn’t occurred yet, so technically…The point is, on Tuesday, January 14th, 2003 of the A.D., WWE airs their “RAW X Anniversary” show. Note, this will air on a Tuesday, meaning that it’s a special. Hence, I’d assume there’s not going to be much in the way of “live” action, much like their New Year’s shows. Regardless, there is currently a poll over at WWE.com to determine what the best moment in RAW’s history is. Choose or lose, my kids, choose or lose.
Rumor has it that Austin may be on his way back. The center of a media storm not that long ago, Austin gained the reputation of a “wifebeater” to go along with his “legendary wrestler” status. I wasn’t there, so I don’t know what he did or didn’t do. Being honest, I don’t why he did or didn’t do it, presuming he did. What he’s accused of is horrendous, but since no one knows what really happened, at this point, only one thing matters: Can he be a useful member of the WWE roster. That answer, assuming he has stips in his contract that prevent him from flat-out leaving the arena, is yes. Hopefully he’ll be back soon, and as soon as its knowledge, it’ll be here.
Something that isn’t a rumor, however, is SmackDown’s ratings. With a number of 3.5 as its ratings value, and a 5 share, one could assume SmackDown! is failing. These numbers are down from last week, but alas, only by point one. Because of this, we can determine absolutely nothing. Sorry.
Ratings part II involves Tough Enough, and 1wrestling.com reports it got a 1.2 rating, with exactly a 1.8 share. This is down all of a .1, so we can determine, when this data is grouped with the above, that WWE programming is losing ratings across the board. Everyone must be hating HBK’s run as champ.
Wait, RAW’s rating jumped from last week, hitting 3.7 on the rating scale for its recent episode. That means that more people are watching, so how can they hate HBK? Rats, there goes my theory.
Right now, at a wrestling site near you, people are clamoring about “JR was accidentally on SmackDown!, you could see him, die JR, die!”. I watched SmackDown!, and to be honest, I didn’t even notice. I also have no clue why anyone cares about this. However, since some of you may, I will issue the following statement: Jim Ross could be seen on SmackDown! in the background. Many are outraged.
Go here. Pity Jericho. Come back. Rinse. Repeat.
WWE Armageddon, the next Pay-Per-View, is set to air live from the Office Depot Center, located in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, I believe. The event, airing December 15th at the usual hour, has no announced matches. I would guess that HBK v. someone, possibly Triple H, would headline that event. Big Show is rumored to fight Brock Lesnar again, and I’d guess that at least the blue tag titles will be defended, if not the RAW ones as well. For the official site, click here.
According to 411wrestling, according to the WO Newsletter, Perry Saturn and “Diamond” Dallas Page were released. Saturn hadn’t really done anything lately, and the most mention he’s gotten from me is a Moppy-based joke at the end of my last news report. DDP, on the other hand, is retired, so his release isn’t a big shocker either. In fact, if I’d never mentioned this news bit, would your life be any different?
What’s goin’ down on the TBL this weekend? This is, motha’trucka’:
-Another debut (there’s a new column every damn time I come to this site) for your perusal, this one shall be known as The Razor’s Edge. So let it be written, so let it be done.
-More shizzle has been added to the And I Quote section. A lot of funny memories are out there, hopefully this will bring more then a few back and brand them. Like cows. Moo.
-We gotsa now. Sign it or I’ll kill ya. Not really, I won’t kill you. That’s what Adam is for. Speaking of…
-Go read Mr. PTR’s column. Then, go back to the guestbook and tell him that you’re not afraid of him, and challenge him to come kill you. You wanna fight him. I mean, you know he’s scum: he doesn’t like The Big Show. What a freak.
-Finally, I have one last debut for you all. Go read the debut of the Fozmaniac’s Sensational SmackDown! Review. Normally, I’d have some semi-witty, unintelligible blathering to say, something that would have nothing to do with his column. However, the kid rightfully defends my hero, The Originator of Mattitude, Matt Hardy version 1. For this alone, he deserves to be merely mentioned and plugged, with no bodily harm. Yet.
And now, a song. Wait, no, *cough*. I actually mean: it’s been fun, but I gotta jet. Umm…oh yeah. I wanted to remind everyone that, as per Christian religion, Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez is the devil. Despite being dead, the psycho-ass pyro is trying to rap. Obviously, no one taught her that girls can’t rap, and hence, she sucks. Just kidding, girls can rap, so long as a guy writes their lyrics. Ha, just kidding again, a girl couldn’t rap even if a guy wrote their lyrics. Okay, okay, I’m done playin’; girls can rap, serious. If you don’t believe me, go pick up my favorite girl rapper’s new CD, entitled “The Last Temptation”.
As always, my loyal townsfolk, this is Michael Blaszkowski saying “I need to shave”. Peace, sucka, I’m out.
