Yo. I’m Michael Blaszkowski and Martin took away my jokes. *Sniffle sniffle* I guess I’ll have to get by purely on my writing talent alone. I’m SO screwed. Hello News, you is lookin’ fine tonight…
Survivor Series was Sunday, and going into it, many people had low expectations, especially considering one match had both a brand new gimmick AND Shawn Michaels in it. Overall, it was a pretty good pay-per-view. A great match-up with Jamie Knoble saw Kidman becoming a WWE Cruiserweight champion, Bubba Dudley won his match with help from a returning D-Von, and HBK became the World Champion in the ultra-stylized Elimination Chamber match-up. For full results and how you should feel about them, check out our own Martin Hawrysko’s review, found somewhere around…here.
Next on the WWE programming schedule was RAW, and having just got done watching it, I’d say I’m qualified to let you know what happened. Rob Van Dam won a match against Booker T. and Chris Jericho, Steiner made his non-in-ring debut on RAW (although he did not join either show as of yet), and an interview or two may have taken place. Want a more in-depth review? Then freakin’ watch the show. I mean, seriously, why are you here reading a wrestling Internet column if you aren’t even catching the flagship show? Some people…
Most of the news today is just fallout from Survivor Series, but hey: it is news, you know? First up is the tidbit every Internet writer was waiting to hear. That’s right, Triple H is NO LONGER CHAMPION! Note the caps, which install in you the feeling that this is monumental, and not actually just the prelude to Mr. Game winning the title back after conquering a second consecutive Rumble. However, in news that will make many HHHaters happy, the Internet Wrestling Community’s hero, Rob Van Dam, crushed his damn throat with the 5-Star Frog Splash. It swelled to the point he couldn’t breathe, and he was in the hospital after SurSer. He is, however, recovering, but may have something screwed up in his arm as well. No return date has been set, but I’d imagine it’s not too far off. In other words, enjoy the break while it lasts. An interview with Trips on this subject (and the pay-per-view) can be found here.
An interview with the baddest man on the planet, Brock Lesnar, can be found here. This is a man who, according to all accounts, worked, not just through a torn ligament in his leg, but with a broken rib as well. From what my cousin (who’s had one) told me, you get a broken rib, and here’s the extent of what you can do: gasp and cough. Yet Brock goes out, wrestles and lifts the Big Show a few different times, and by God F5’s his huge ass. Brock Lesnar, with a screwed up knee and broken rib, spun the Big Show around like an f’n rag doll. JESUS! If that isn’t impressive, then I have no earthly clue what is.
Yet another interview submitted for your approval is with the participants of the Tag Team Table match at Survivor Series. Not too much was said, but Jeff Hardy did clue us in to what being a fly being hit by a car feels like. Level of interest of the article: 2 out of 5. But what else haveth you to do?
Another interview you’ll enjoy is the one with Scott Steiner. He doesn’t say anything revolutionary, mind you, but Steiner is always funny to listen to. Sure, he sounds like kind of an idiot, but isn’t that most of the stuff on the Internet?
There’s a pair of interviews with the respective World Champions of RAW and SmackDown! up at WWE.com. Neither are really groundbreaking, but HBK’s reveals that he may be around for a bit, possibly until WrestleMania. The Big Show’s, on the other hand, is nothing more then a promo pushing Brock Lesnar. Not that I’m complaining, mind you, because Brock Lesnar is totally cool.
ESPN has an article about Davey Boy Smith up. Its basically about time right before he died, and commenting on how it wasn’t expected. Semi-interesting, but nothing we haven’t heard before. At least they don’t thrash wrestling in it.
In non-article related plugging, Survivor Series set a record, according to WWE.com, beating out Royal Rumble insofar as MSG events go. Making more then the Rumble’s 1.1 million, I believe they pulled in 1.2 million. Sure, the .2 doesn’t seem like much, but really, its $100,000. Seems a little bigger now, don’t it?
As I wrap this news report up, I feel compelled to direct you to the current content of our glorious site. In our hallowed halls, you may find the following:
Someone got the idea to ask us TBL staffers what our predictions for Survivor Series were. They then thought “what if I were to dress up like a girl and try my hand at prostitution?”. Amazingly, even with his new hobbies, Martin still had time to put up our predictions in what will likely become a monthly feature.
The Not So Regal View: Now, with 20% more Mage-recommended Febreeze!
If you thought the above plug was weird and insane, read this. Martin says he’s going to commit me.
Raven asks “What about me?”. The Living Legend asks What about Tradition? What do YOU ask?
Alright, folks, that ends up my report. I’ll be back later in the week with Unspoken, either Eddie, Martin, or Myself with be back with another News report, and people who write columns, I’m sure, are writing them as we speak. Do you really want to miss all that!? That’s what I thought, so I’ll see you back here, later this week. Until that time, this is Michael Blaszkowski saying “Dammit, Jeff, get up here!” Peace, readerkind, I’m out.
