~~~~~THE TBL NEWSLETTER~~~~~
Volume 2, Issue #15
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Official Newsletter of:
The Balrog’s Lair
”Still an Internet Original!”
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Table of Contents:
* Note from the Editor – Joe Balrog
* News and Rumors – Various Sources
* Columns –
o Old School with “Living Legend” J.P. Joyce
o The Professor’s Classroom #113 with The Professor
o Linda’s Thoughts with Linda Robin
o The Prime Cut with Eddie T.
o Rounding the Squared Circle with Sam Jerry
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Note from the Editor:
Please enjoy another edition of The TBL Newsletter. Our readership has increased lately and I wish to keep that trend up. Tell all of your friends who enjoy wrestling about this newsletter and get them to join one of the oldest and best wrestling newsletters on the internet!
Joe Balrog, Editor-in-Chief
joe@thebalrogslair.com
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News & Rumors:
The Stro Makes Some Comments
So glad the tropical storm off of the Atlantic coast didn’t strengthen this week. I had just flew back from Vancouver and it would be just my luck to fly right into a storm. It never fails though. Every time I leave North Carolina to travel, nine times out of ten a storm hits there. But I have rambled about this long enough. About “3 minutes” too long (laughs), which leads me to.. this week’s WWE programming. I remember not too long ago when Eric Bischoff will tell us all in the back in WCW about how important it was for us to make WCW a “family oriented show”. He would even go ballistic when the “ass” word was used (even though it was used periodically with the “established” guys and then full stream with the Russo era). But I tune into WWE Raw and what do I see? Eric talking sex with two ladies portraying to be lesbians. Ha! What a rib! WWE programming exploring the “controversial” issues of the world although may be admirable in attempting so, it should be taken just as serious as other issues and make sense to the audience instead of being made light of or being too racy for younger viewers. The viewing audience, no matter what “preference” they are, deserves equal respect as we all want our ways of life portrayed in a positive manner for young and old audiences. Let’s hope the WWE realizes this and directs all this in a more positive light in the weeks ahead – The Stro
Scott Hall and Sean Waltman sign with NWA-TNA
NWA-TNA sent out a press release today announcing the signing of Syxx-Pac aka Sean Waltman, formerly known as X-Pac in the WWE. X-Pac isn’t the only new wrestler that the NWA-TNA have gotten their hands on recently. Scott Hall, who worked on a 4-show deal with the promotion during their launch, has signed back on to return also at the September 18th show with his nWo buddy X-Pac. They will both be in the tag-team Gauntlet for the Gold at the next NWA-TNA pay-per view on September 18. – Andy Steven
WWE in the UK
The WWE has announced the following superstars to appear on the upcoming UK tour in Ocotber which will include the Rebellion PPV: Lesnar, Angle, Edge, Rikishi, Eddy Guerrero, Benoit, Billy, Chuck, Rico (one would think he’d be switched to Raw this week), Cena, Valbowski, Holly, Henry, Orton, Mysterio, Matt Hardy, Kidman, Hurricane, Wilson, Batista, D-Von, Chavo, Tajiri, Noble, Nidia and Dawn Marie. – Andy Steven
Nicole Bass’ WWE Lawsuit
Apparently the lawsuit filed by Nicole Bass against the WWE went to court this past Tuesday, the 10th, in order to try to work out a settlement out of court. The jury selection is to take place next week. The suit filed by Bass is for sexual harassment and abuse. Below are the accusations against the WWE:
*Steve “Brooklyn Brawler” Lombardi “sexually assaulted” her while on a flight to Great Britain (described in one New York newspaper article on the suit as Lombardi groping Bass’ breast)
*Bass was called a “He” by Shawn Michaels and forced to endure his crude sexual gestures during an episode of Raw.
*Bass was injured by a legitimate guitar instead of a prop guitar during an angle.
*Bass was intruded upon by male wrestlers and received “unwanted sexual advances” while changing in the female workers’ locker room. – Wade Needham
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Columns:
Old School
By: “Living Legend” J.P. Joyce
METS698631@aol.com
“Attitude” Is Dead
Hey yo. Welcome to this week’s installment of something I like to call “Old School” written by myself the “Living Legend.” Let me start off by saying that I haven’t received any questions for the Q &A session I want to do in a future column. In case you didn’t read this wonderful piece of literature last week let me inform you of my masterful idea. You, the readers can send in any question you have about my interests in wrestling (favorite match, PPV, etc…) and I will answer them in an upcoming edition of my column. As usual any feedback about this weeks column is as always greatly appreciated by yours truly. Alright now let’s get down to business folks.
What do Degeneration-X, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and the America hating, Canada loving Hart Foundation have in common? Well the answer is obviously that they were all very sucsessful groups and wrestlers in the years of 1997 and 1998(the attitude era) with the exception of Steve Austin who was sucsessful for many years after that. However there is one thing that these wrestlers/factions also have in common, they all no longer exist. The Hart Foundation was dead when Bret Hart left the WWF in very, very controversial fashion, DX was really dead after Wrestlemania 15, even though they tried to unsuccessfully bring it back a couple of times after that. And of course Steve Austin took his ball and went home in June of this year. All these wrestlers/factions also were the main assets to the “attitude” era which I believe unofficially began in late 1997. Instead of having the usual squeaky-clean TV show, Monday Night Raw became a much edgier show with scantly clad women “wrestling” in Evening Gown matches and having bikini contests. There were a lot more 15-minute interviews and the focus was more on storylines than it was on matches. Characters such as HHH, Steve Austin and even Mick Foley became much more like real people with some WWF “attitude” added in. It sounds like it was a circus not a wrestling show and in lots of cases it was, but it was also new and fresh and may be responsible for getting the then WWF’s ratings out of the toilet and eventually beating WCW.
Now its 2002, just about four years after the “attitude” era unofficially ended. A lot has changed since 98’ including the sale of WCW to the now WWE and of course the name change that occurred a couple of months ago. With these happenings and many others it seems as if WWE is right back where they were in the beginning of 1997. The all important ratings, live attendance and PPV buy rates are once again down and WWE is struggling to find the right direction that they need to go creatively. However any fan that has had the pleasure (or maybe displeasure) of watching recent episodes or Raw and sometimes, even Smackdown has probably noticed that WWE is once again becoming a sideshow. We have seen mud matches, 15 minute promos scattered all across the Raw show, Pillow fights and just this coming Thursday Billy and Chuck are getting married for Christ sakes! WWE has tried everything to get business up and running where it should be and just about everything has failed. Ratings went up for a little bit in August, but their right back down again so far in September. So what does WWE do, they try to bring back the most sucsessful time in their history, the “attitude” era.
With all this being said I don’t think bringing back something that’s been done before is going to work. It didn’t work with the nWo, and it wont work with the attitude era. See the problem is not that people think that the television shows quality is down, it’s that there’s not very much interest in the sport itself. Millions of people would tune in to watch either RAW or Nitro and Raw would be getting 4.0 in the ratings even when it lost to Nitro, and in 2000 Raw was getting score in the sixes and sevens as ratings. At that time wrestling was a hot commodity and WWE was on a roll. TO try to recapture some of the audience that stopped watching wrestling all together and to gain new fans the creative geniuses at WWE want to get people talking about their product, weather it be negatively or positively. With that being said I don’t think I’ve ever said to one of my of my friends that doesn’t watch wrestling that he should start because two gay guys are getting married or because chicks in bikinis are rolling all over a bed with a horny 50 year old commentator yelling for more. If people want to watch girls fight each other they can go by a porno, which is much more satisfying. If people want to see gay guys get married they can move to Miami. People watch wrestling to see interesting storylines and good matches. This is the reason everybody usually raves about Smackdown. With the exception of this week, it is usually focused on great, athletic talents, getting over by having great matches. Raw is usually panned by critics because it follows the same format that it did 4 years ago and generally offers mediocre wrestling.
My advice to WWE would be to try something new and that would be to shut up and wrestle. You have some of the best in ring talents in North America, why not use them the way there supposed to be used and not worry about all the softcore porn, gay marriages and sometimes-ridiculous storylines. There is a much better chance of me telling somebody about an awesome match between Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle or that sick bump that Jeff Hardy took then there is of me telling them about a storyline that makes me ashamed to be a wrestling fan. “Attitude” was nice while it lasted but all good things must come to an end.
Raw (9/2) vs. Smackdown (9/5)
Raw was once again very mediocre this week. I enjoyed RVD cleanly pinning HHH in the main event and I also found the Regal- Booker match to be decent. Anything with Tommy Dreamer in it has been gold the last few weeks. Pretty much everything else was bad however. From HHH being handed the World Title (why not have a tournament) to Kane defeating the Tag Team Champions by himself. Also I’m getting really sick and tired of any kind of inter-gender match. Raw didn’t improve at all from last week so it gets the same score. Rating-5.5
I just finished watching Smackdown, on tape a couple of hours ago and I thought it was pretty impressive as usual. I had no problem with anything this week except for the asinine (no pun intended) “marriage” IF Billy & Chuck and the squash of Tajiri by Mark Henry, who will never get over. Everything else was solid though with a very good main event and maybe the starts of an Angle face turn. Rating-7.5
Smackdown wins 7.5-5.5
Overall:
SD-14.5
RAW-11.0
That’s all for today folks, I’ll be back next week possibly with the Q &A session depending on how many of you E-mail me. Also please send and feedback as it really helps me with the column. This has been the “Living Legend” saying see you next time, same Old School time, same Old School place.
“Living Legend” J.P. Joyce
METS698631@aol.com
The Professor’s Classroom
By: The Professor
TheProfessor11@hotmail.com
One Year Ago…
Following is the column that I wrote on September 12, 2001. It is, I think, worthwhile to reflect on that again, perhaps from a slightly different perspective than what you’ve heard this week. I don’t intend to do this every year—but at this point the wounds are still very much open.
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I Don’t Feel Like Writing This!
(Thanks to WWF.com.)
Who cares about wrestling today?
There I was, minding my own business, sipping my morning coffee, when news suddenly broke into the morning TV show I was watching. The next thing I saw was a ton of smoke pouring out of a gaping hole in a World Trade Center tower. Wow, I thought. A plane had crashed into it, the announcer said. About the time I was wondering what a plane was doing flying that low over Manhattan, I noticed another plane on the screen. And then—THAT crashed into the other tower! The first thing I thought of: terrorists.
Then all hell broke loose. All over the USA. The Pentagon. Western Pennsylvania. All airplanes grounded. I drove in to the University and tried to have my classes, but neither my students nor I were much interested in the course material. All of our classes were cancelled today, and a prayer service was held for anyone who wanted to attend. (Yes, friends—I am a REAL professor at a REAL university. Surprised?)
I knew I was supposed to write a column tonight. Fact is, I really don’t feel like it. I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. I have a hard time getting away from the TV, which endlessly replays the tragedy. Professional wrestling is entertainment biz, and I don’t feel like being entertained right now—or entertaining YOU, for that matter. But, hey, I said I would crank out a column every week, and a deal is a deal. So here I am. Next week, The Professor will be back in his classroom. This week, I’m just Vance.
As for the WWF Superstars? They’re stuck in Houston as I write this, with no way to get home. The Smackdown tapings were called off on Tuesday. They’re dealing with things much like others around the country, in shock.
Stacy Keibler lives in Baltimore, not that far from DC. She was at the Defense Department just a few days ago.
Lilian Garcia, who lives in Manhattan, had a family member who was to have been at a Tuesday morning meeting at the World Trade Center. (He was late, fortunately, and is OK.) She has apparently been a wreck since Tuesday, unable to eat or sleep.
Tazz lives in Long Island, over which flights frequently pass. His family is OK, but he is frustrated that he won’t be able to see them for the foreseeable future.
Tommy Dreamer’s grandmother lives in Brooklyn, and he has a friend who worked at WTC. Both are OK, but he didn’t find that out until 6 PM. He’s afraid to get on another airplane.
Al Snow watched the events with the Tough Enough contestants. They don’t quite know what they should do next.
Paul Heyman sat up watching TV until almost 6 AM, unable to go to sleep, watching in disbelief.
The Rock, Kurt Angle, and the Dudleys were sitting in a hotel room together, watching the coverage, getting angrier by the minute.
And back at HQ?
Titan Tower was well clear of the danger area, but still released employees early to be with their families.
WWF New York, which is undamaged, served as a “safe house” on Tuesday, offering shelter and food to those who needed it, including police, firefighters and other emergency personnel.
Thursday night, Smackdown is scheduled to go live. We’ll see what happens.
It’s easy to say, as some of my students have in the past, that they never follow the news. They don’t care about other countries. They’re happy to stay in their own little world with the door shut, happy in their ignorance of the outside world.
As we have seen this week, sometimes the outside world comes along and kicks your door in.
The Professor
TheProfessor11@hotmail.com
Linda’s Thoughts
By: Linda Robin
lvaccarp@hotmail.com
Sure I’m feeling like a jerk complaining about Billy and Chuck’s wedding. How the hell did I know that it would be done so brilliantly, a little long but still brilliantly? Smackdown was so damn good last night it felt good to be a wrestling fan again. I say this because even though the hype was about the wedding, Michael Cole and Tazz still remembered that matches were taking place and still managed to put the importance on each match. Yeah they hyped the wedding but it was nothing like Jerry Lawler’s obnoxious overkill on Raw with the HLA angle.
The only two matches I didn’t care for were Chris Benoit vs. Rikishi. And Taker vs. Matt Hardy. Neither were duds but they weren’t very good either. I will give Matt Hardy a lot of credit; he’s annoying as hell. Unfortunately so annoying, I can’t take him too much, he’s that kind of character you can’t stand not because he’s doing a good job of selling it, no because he’s trying too hard and it’s just not working. And my very last complaint why do they have to do this thing with Sara again? I think I asked this last week but let me ask it again. Is bringing her into this angle the only way to get the face reaction for Taker from the crowd? I say they don’t need to go this route, and I truly wish they wouldn’t. I guess Sara gives Paul Heyman someone to badger to keep him right in the thick of things. Anyway, other than those matches my God what a night of wrestling.
The match of the night for me had to be Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio. As much as I loved their SummerSlam match I think I really loved this one more. These two put on some show. Kurt and Rey wow, do they know how to work together. And how can I forget Kurt’s little promo about Rey Mysterio. It seemed that no matter how Kurt was wording things it sounded like he has a thing for little Rey Mysterio. It was coming out as if he were gay. Of course having Kurt do this was what made it so good. Chavo and Eddie Guerrero vs. John Cena and Edge was another good one. Very fast paced and done so well. Brock vs. Bob Holly, too me was very good. I noticed Holly was dropped on the top of his head by Brock. I have to say that scared me a little bit.
As you can see the matches for me were so entertaining. I’ll tell you Tazz and yeah Michael Cole are sounding better on every show. They seem so into calling the matches and still are able to kid around with each other without over doing it if you know what I mean. I’m just so excited from what I saw it makes me hope that Raw will come off so much better on Monday night after this fantastic Smackdown show.
What better way to end the Billy/Chuck wedding then to have a surprise that you will think about for awhile. A made up Eric Bischoff playing the part of an old man presiding at the wedding. I knew it was him since I read the spoilers but for those who were there live and those who don’t check out the spoilers what a fantastic ending. I loved when the was dancing to It’s Raining Men. The character was great and he added to the ceremony. I do wish it would have been cut down it seemed to drag just a little, but it still was done so well I feel like a total idiot for ranting and raving this past week about it. What have I learned? Wait and don’t jump the gun, things are never what they seem. At least that holds true for the wedding. I see we are back on the Ho Train, it got the pops last night but will that continue. Steph in the ceremony was great; she kept quiet and took a nice bump with the Samoan slam that was given to her by either Jamal or Rosie. I had read she took a splash too I’m assuming it was edited out, why I have no idea. I thought Steph last night did a good job and basically kept a low profile. All in all this ceremony was something so much better than I could have imagined.
I can’t wait to see how the ratings are for this show. I say they are going to be good, not great but good. I don’t expect them to drop. Raw could have been a good show had it been handled better but since it wasn’t I’m thankful for a wonderful Smackdown. Now here’s my take. I say Steph will show up on Raw to get Eric. And damn it she should. I see Billy and Chuck jumping to Raw to get Rico and the Island Boys. So what I’m saying is a lot should happen on Monday night. I just hope it’s all-good and worth watching. We now know it’s Taker vs. Brock, HHH vs. RVD and Angle vs. Benoit. With one week left you can expect a lot of matches to be made on Raw and Smackdown next week. Smackdown has given me a lot of hope, so it’s on to Raw. Let’s hope Vince read the reviews and feedback and we see a really good show on Monday night. And just in case some of you don’t know Bradshaw tore his biceps, had surgery and will be out 4-6 months. You can read about it at wwe.com
Linda Robin
lvaccarp@hotmail.com
The Prime Cut
By: Eddie T.
Levski11@aol.com
What’s the deal with Goldberg?
Hello to all of you great TBL readers! My name is still Eddie (cheap pop?) and you are reading The Prime Cut! Thanks for doing that! This week’s column will take a look at a loved man by some, and a very hated one by other. The fans around the world know him as Bill Goldberg, a former WCW Heavyweight Champion, and probably WCW’s biggest star you might say.
Bill Goldberg has certainly left his mark into this industry. Starting by being a jobber in Ted Turner’s World Championship Wrestling, the WCW realized that they need to “create” a huge star of their own. To add that someone new to the mix, instead of keep stealing WWF talent. Bill Goldberg was not at all a good wrestler when this push started. Not only was he a jobber (as I said) but he was never looked at as someone serious. WCW realized that even though he didn’t have that many skills, Goldberg had the appeal and look to make it big into the business. That’s certainly what he did. The situation with Goldberg is pretty much the one we have with Brock Lesnar today. However, Brock Lesnar has a great past in amateur wrestling and has accomplished a lot, something Goldberg has not done. Anyway, back to Goldberg.
Working on nothing but his look and somewhat of good mic skills, the WCW built up this Goldberg character who if you looked directly at looked like a Stone Cold Steve Austin parody. Now, it’s a tough thing to say whether or not WCW was trying to copy WWF yet again, but no matter what, Goldberg in my book was simply an Austin look-a-like when he began his “so famous” career, and the WWF used that fact very nicely to poke fun of him. As time went by, the company promoted and pushed Goldberg slowly but successfully. Within several months and about a year and a half later, Bill Goldberg was on the verge of becoming the biggest star WCW had. That’s exactly what he did too. The WCW started a storyline where Goldberg would go out and defeat everyone in a winning streak, which I believe has not ever ended (not a huge WCW fan here).
Nobody can’t deny one thing. Even though Goldberg didn’t have the skills, he did work hard and he did do his best. The man was popular all around the world. He was appearing on TV shows, and programs and was definitely a very good representative of WCW. He did truly know how to speak in public and how to address matters about wrestling and WCW. One thing I will always admire about Bill Goldberg and will always have the respect for him because of it, is that in the public he came out as a big honorable man. Keep in mind, that was as long as he was in WCW and was either the WCW Champion or the main-eventer in some fashion. Goldberg has given so much to charities and has invested a lot of time and capital into helping others. For this, Bill Goldberg will always remain a nice person in my mind.
However, when he wasn’t on top in WCW, or he wasn’t even in WCW (the last 2 years), Goldberg always came out in the public as a completely different person and it seems that his ideals and thoughts are really strange.
When Vince McMahon purchased World Championship Wrestling in 2001, Bill Goldberg was one of the many superstars which the company still had under contract and was paying to. There were no talks between the WWF and Goldberg back then because the company knew that Goldberg was the man with the biggest paycheck and since he had more time left in his contract he wasn’t willing to receive a cheap buyout just to go to the WWF. Time passed.
Earlier this year, AOL Time Warner which was the owner of WCW stumbled upon more financial problems. The company decided to get rid of everything that was costing them money, and Bill Goldberg’s contract was the last thing left from WCW. AOL Time Warner offered Goldberg a buyout, only this time the catch was that the buyout will be pretty solid. Something in the likes of 90% and even more from what he was supposed to originally get. Goldberg agreed and he was no longer contracted to WCW. When this happened the big question on-line started… Did Goldberg accept the buyout to go to WWF? Is Vince bringing him back?
That was NOT the answer, definitely. Bill Goldberg went public several times on the WWF after they purchased WCW and even said that he was discussed with some of the things on TV. According to Bill Goldberg, WWF’s programming had a very low morality and it was so bad that he wouldn’t want kids to watch something like that. There were also some cheap shots at WWF New York (as it was called back then) and how it contributed to 9/11, where Goldberg made some harsh statements, but realized it was foolish and apologized to the company for it. So, Bill Goldberg’s point was that there is too much nudity, too much sexuality and too much provoking behavior on WWF Television, therefore it was not a good place to work in. At the same time, when asked on if he’ll ever work for McMahon, Goldberg kept saying that his options will always be open, but his morality wouldn’t allow it. Now, I am no critic and yeah, maybe the WWF did offer some provoking television. However, one statement really did it for me. Bill Goldberg appeared on Comedy Central’s “The Man Show” and he said that he had tons of fun on the show and enjoys it. How in the hell can a show like “The Man Show” be good morally and the WWF can be bad??? When I read that, my opinion of Bill Goldberg changed, and in my eyes he seemed like a hypocrite.
Saying “The Man Show” is a fun and good show, whereas “WWF RAW” is a morally-wrong, and provoking show is like Bret Hart returning to the WWF for Vince only or saying in public Vince McMahon is the nicest person there is, after all the comments Bret has made about Vince. Just like Hart says himself, he would be nothing but a hypocrite.
So, then, why does Bill Goldberg’s name keep popping up into the news lately? What is the deal?
Ever since 2002, the WWE has been doing bad with ratings, which is nothing new to you. Even though Vince brought back the nWo it didn’t seem to work. The WWE is undergoing a great transformation right now and ratings are still low. No matter what, everybody is sure that if he shows up on WWE TV, Goldberg will bring back some old WCW viewers, and probably ratings will jump up. That might very well happen.
Currently, Bill Goldberg is working in Japan and is signed to a deal which allows him to compete in the United States if he wants to. Goldberg has said in an interview with his official site that he’s yet to meet with Vince McMahon. For over a period of months now, the WWE has tried to contact Goldberg and set an appointment with him. What have they gotten? Some unpleasant replies which were sometimes very harsh (see above). Recently, Goldberg seems to have changed his opinion, like I said. He now continues to say how he might not like the WWE, but has no problem working about them. Things like that. He says he never hated Vince McMahon, just didn’t like his style. It’s basically an all-around change. When life presses on ya, things are different, aren’t they?
You see, it was all the fast success which made a less-than-average capable wrestler a huge worldwide star. The cockiness, the attitude, and everything else was born from there. Big Show suffered from the same thing when he defeated Hulk Hogan to capture the WCW Championship in his first match. Big Show is not in the main event picture anymore and as you remember from that episode on Tough Enough 2, his attitude is completely different and he’s not the pr*ck he used to be backstage. Goldberg is more than a star and has certainly done a lot in the business. Can he close his eyes and change for the WWE? Is he willing to? Does he really want to?
Eric Bischoff and Bill Goldberg have been friends for a long time, so many believe Eric might help bring Goldberg in the company. The latest update I have on Goldberg is that the WWE and him have scheduled a meeting and he might enter WWE soon. Jim Ross continues to state in his Ross Report that there have been no talks or appointments set between the two sides. Whether we see Goldberg in the WWE or not, to me he will remain a man who changed the business in his own way, gave a lot of what he’s earned to people who deserved it as appreciation for his success, and has sometimes been a hypocrite. This complex combination makes up the man, the myth, Bill Goldberg.
Again… Feel free to send me any feedback. Feel free to write no matter if it’s negative or positive. I answer all my mail so you will get a response. Tell me your thoughts and maybe even certain subjects you’d like me to discuss in this space? Drop me a line, my e-mail is Levski11@aol.com. I am Eddie and you read another Prime Cut! Thanks!
Eddie T.
Levski11@aol.com
Rounding the Squared Circle
By: Sam Jerry
SamJerry@aol.com
“ROUNDING THE SQUARE CIRCLE”
“EVERYONE GETS THEIR THREE MINUTES OF FAME”
OR
“LEMONS INTO LEMONADE, IN ONE EASY LESSON”
BY SAMJERRY
VISIT MY HOME PAGE: http://members.aol.com/~samjerry
After the last SmackDown, I received a call from my old friend Jethro Lee Dudley. For you cynics, yes, they have telephones in Beautiful Downtown Lower Dudleyville … and have had them at least five years now. Service is provided by The Dudleyville Telephone and Possum Smoking Company, Division of The Acme Corporation. In fact, they plan on having touch tone dialing in the next five years, and cell phone service in ten (they will be installing phones in every cell in The Dudleyville County Jail).
Jethro Lee wanted to talk about the Chuckie – Billy Ceremony. Anyone with an IQ above a Turnip had to know something was up when they saw the 115 year old Justice of the Peace (JP). That plus Princess Sweetness and Light agreeing to take part in the Ceremony after reminding Rico of her history with weddings. The swerve was vintage WWF (Not a typo). Starting with the return of The Godfather, along with some of the best looking Ho’s he has ever had on The Train. The Godfather couldn’t believe that Chuckie and Billy, who were some of his best customers, planned on switching teams. We also learned that Chuckie preferred Chunky. After The Godfather (and his fine Ho’s) departed, Rico got things going again. Just as The JP was asking Chuckie and Billy for their “I Do’s,” they put a stop to things. They said it was all a publicity stunt. I could hear The PTC’s Smithington Pruneface’s typewriter and TV Guides presses stop.
Our 115 year old JP talked about length of commitment and when he got to “Three Minutes,” he removed his make up. It was Good Old Eric (GOE). GOE has a very short attention span (about three minutes long). What was coming next was apparent, GOE’s friendly Samoan A*s Kickers, Jamal and Rosie Mothragidhrahydrasopranofatbuttsberg (Mo for short). Rico joined the fun as they bashed Chuckie and Billy, and then the Coup De Grace, The Princess took a Samoan Drop, however, was saved from their usual Frog (or whatever it’s called in Samoan) Splash by the boys in the locker room. Exit Stage Left, Rico, GOE, Jamal and Rosie, as fast as their fat little stumps could carry them.
It was beautiful. I wonder how many people figured GOE was behind the plot. After it went down, it was obvious that it had to be him, but before … I doubt many had it figured. As I said, it was vintage WWF. The angle was teased, had everyone talking about it, tuned in to see the Ceremony, and bam … the swerve. If the writers can follow thru on the momentum they created, The WWF may just be back on track. Jethro Lee said everyone at the Trailer Park loved it.
Just one or two other thoughts. I promise to be quick:
We had a Ladies Match, Beauty v. The Beast. Blondie faced Trailer Park Trash. It looks like Billy Kidman has taught Blondie a few things (get your minds out of the gutter). You can’t beat it, a Fox who can wrestle (well, almost). If nothing else, you have to like her wrestling attire. Who among you wouldn’t trade places with Billy for a day or fifty-three?
The Taker faced Mr. Matthew Hardy, of the North Carolina Hardy’s. Matthew brought Godzilla and Paul E. Turdface to the ring with him. Note to Matthew: Next time you plan to face The Taker, bring the 101st Airborne with you, then you might stand a chance. Taker had a very pregnant Mrs. Taker (Sara) supporting him in his locker room. During the match, Turdface went to Taker’s locker room and “scared” Sara. Naturally Taker saw things on the Jumbo Screen and raced in to save her. Just as naturally, Godzilla was there too and decked Taker with a Steel Chair, Manufactured by the Acme Steel Chair and Table Company, Division of The Acme Corporation. Question: Was it really necessary to involve Sara just to build up the Taker – Godzilla Title Match at next weeks PPV? The swerve showed The WWE was on the right track; did this move derail them?
Sam Jerry
SamJerry@aol.com
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Copyright © 1999 – 2002 Joe Vincent
