~~~~~THE TBL NEWSLETTER~~~~~
Volume 2, Issue #14
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Official Newsletter of:
The Balrog’s Lair
”Still an Internet Original!”
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Table of Contents:
* Note from the Editor – Joe Balrog
* News and Rumors – Various Sources
* Columns –
o Old School with “Living Legend” J.P. Joyce
o The Professor’s Classroom #110 with The Professor
o Linda’s Thoughts with Linda Robin
o The Anti-Antagonist with Adam Gorzelsky
o A Dusty Finish with Mike Hamflett
o Rounding the Squared Circle with Sam Jerry
o Mark My Words with Martin Hawrysko
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Note from the Editor:
Hello everyone! As the anniversary of September 11th draws closer, I want to take a second to remind you all to remember the important things in life. Free people have so many things to be happy about, but these things are so commonplace among our societies that we don’t even respect them until they are gone. That being said, please enjoy our latest newsletter and please, offer your opinions and criticism to the writers of the opinion columns. Thanks and God Bless!
Joe Balrog, Editor-in-Chief
joe@thebalrogslair.com
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News & Rumors:
Sean Waltman to NWA-TNA
TNA is just steps away from reaching a deal with a former WWE star whose first name is Sean. I know what you are all thinking, and to squash the rumors now, it is not former announcer Sean Mooney. – Jeremy Borash via Joe Balrog on the newsboard
Lilian signs with Univeral Records
Universal Records President, Monte Lipman, attended a NYC club performance of Garcia’s in early 2002 and subsequently signed her to a recording contract, enlisting EMI Music Publishing’s Evan Lamberg to help develop her repertoire. Lamberg paired Garcia with Meredith Brooks, who is best known for the 1997 #1 hit “Bitch”, to co-write and produce her forthcoming release, which will contain the single “Shout”. – Andy Steven
WWE Warning
WWE has posted the following warning on Parents.wwe.com. “In the next two editions of WWE SmackDown!, one of our storylines will be looking at the issue of same-sex relationships. This storyline will be done in an entertaining and humorous fashion, but may be considered by some to be provocative. We would encourage parents who watch SmackDown! with their teens and children to be mindful that this storyline will be appearing.” – Wade Needham
Smackdown! Ratings
Thursdays Smackdown did a 3.2 rating which is up slightly from the previous weeks number of 3.1. It is still a much lower number than what the show was drawing last year. – The Rock Says
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Columns:
Old School
By: “Living Legend” J.P. Joyce
METS698631@aol.com
How To Make Kurt Angle WWE’s Top Star
Greeting folks and welcome to the third edition of Old School, written by yours truly “Living Legend” J.P. Joyce. After pondering many topics in my head for this weeks column I’ve decided to discuss a man who I feel is the best all around performer and the MVP of WWE. Of course I’m talking about your Olympic Hero, Kurt Angle. As of right now I feel Kurt is on the verge of greatness, well actually he’s been great pretty much since his arrival in the then WWF, but right now he’s at the peak of his career. Angle has carried just about the entire roster to at least watchable, if not great matches something that we used to see the likes of Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair do in their prime. With all this being said Kurt still isn’t considered by WWE brass to be up there with The Undertakers, Triple H’s and Rock’s of World Wrestling Entertainment, even though talent wise, he blows them all away. In my opinion WWE just needs to make a couple of adjustments here and there on Angles character and appearance that could very well make him a top star and quite possibly, the greatest ever.
Make the Ankle Lock and Olympic Slam more effective: This is something that’s annoyed me for quite some time now. Is there any logical reason behind having Mark Henry counter the ankle lock several times before tapping out to it? Is there any reason that Angle seemingly never wins a match anymore with his supposed “finishing move” the Olympic Slam? The guys mentioned above (Rock, Undertaker and Triple H) all have very effective finishing moves that seemingly no one ever kicks out of unless it’s a really big match against a big time competitor. I will give WWE credit in that many people have tapped out to the ankle lock (including Hulk Hogan), but there’s very little heat when someone reverses it, and fans would be stunned if Angle won a match with the Olympic Slam. I say have Angle do the Olympic Slam off the top rope more often, which makes for more impact and looks better too. If somebody is going to kick out, have it be a big star not a guy like Mark Henry. Also have people tap out quickly to the Ankle Lock and don’t have any no name jobbers reverse it, the concept is so simple and you wonder why nobody has picked up on it yet.
Make Kurt a babyface: It was very clear last Sunday when I was at Summerslam that the fans wanted to cheer Kurt Angle. When his music first hit he received one of the loudest pops of the night and it wasn’t till the chorus hit that we remembered he was a heel and that we have been programmed to chant, “You suck.” That problem however is easily fixed just change his entrance theme. Kurt has been a face before and he was tremendously over for those four months. Many people have said just have him interrupt a promo by the UN-Americans and the fans will have no choice but to like Angle. Besides that scenario no longer being possible, it’s also turning Kurt way too quick. In my opinion a face turn has to be gradual and there should be many actions that lead up to the wrestler finally becoming a fan favorite. Angle should start having backstage confrontations with major heels on Smackdown. Eventually build an angle (no pun intended) where a heel, lets say Chris Benoit has been terrorizing and injuring people to no end and the feeling is that he cannot be stopped. Well one night on Smackdown Benoit goes to far and puts a woman in the Crippler Crossface, however this isn’t just any woman this is the helpless Stephanie McMahon. Officials can’t stop Benoit until Kurt Angle comes in with a chair and nails The Crippler with it. He then puts the ankle lock on him and holds it on for over a minute. Since his face turn has been teased for a couple of months and his music has been changed, after a feud with Benoit (I know it’s been done before but who would complain about seeing it again) Angle should be over as a face with the fans. Pursue the Undisputed Title: Angle has already started to go after the richest prize in the game but his pursuit, to quote Emeril, needs to be kicked up a couple of notches. Have Angle try to become number 1 contender many times but somehow get screwed out of it. Just like what happened this past Thursday, Kurt lost a number 1 contender match even though he wasn’t pinned. Angle should address the situation but not in a whining or complaining way. Having a top face constantly battling to get the championship has worked tremendously in the past with “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and could work very well with Angle.
Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar, Wrestlemania 19: Headlining the biggest wrestling event of the year should solidify a performer’s status as a top star. However if the match is not built up properly and the performance is weak it could also significantly diminish one’s status with the company. This was the case with Chris Jericho and Triple H and for some reason (actually everybody knows the reason) all the blame was put on Y2J. However WWE is sitting on a goldmine with a potential match between Lesnar and Angle. At this point Kurt would be a face and Brock would still be a heel. This match and feud could be awesome considering both men’s amateur wrestling backgrounds. Angle would go over and not only finally end his pursuit of the Undisputed Title but also be the first man to pin Brock Lesnar. Just think about the potential main events with Kurt as champion. Guys like RVD and Edge could be stars by then and you know how great a match-up between him and Benoit would be (maybe Iron-Man match?) The truth is that Angle is the best candidate out of the entire WWE roster to give the title too. He’s ridiculously good in the ring, he has great charisma and he always gets a reaction from the crowd. If given the proper treatment he is destined to become a star.
Raw vs. Smackdown
This is a new section of the column that I’m just debuting today. In it I will give my RAW and Smackdown thoughts and then give each one a rating, ranging from 1-10. I will add up the ratings of each individual show each week and by the end of the year I will crown a champion depending on who’s combined ratings are higher, I hope that makes sense and if not e-mail me.
Raw was very disappointing this week especially coming off of the great PPV. I really only enjoyed two matches, those being RVD vs. Tommy Dreamer and Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho. The Jimmy Snuka-Island Boys segment was cool too. However everything else was just garbage. From Undertaker treating the new undisputed champion like his personal bitch to Howard Finkel vs. Lillian Garcia. Also seeing Triple H and Undertaker fight for the 1000th time wasn’t exactly fun either. Rating: 5.5
Smackdown was, as usual very solid for the most part. All the matches ranged from decent to above average and I really enjoyed the number 1 contender gauntlet matches. And as usual Rey Mysterio looked awesome in his match against Rico, who also impressed me. However the D’von-John Cena match was a boring nothing filler match that SD seems to always have and there was way too much Stephanie for my liking. Also Undertaker beating Angle and Benoit was very disheartening, even though I could see it coming. Rating: 7.0
Smackdown wins 7.0-5.5.
No fancy conclusion today folks. I’m going to do a Q&A session in a future column where you, the readers can E-mail me any question you might have about my interests in wrestling. Weather it’s asking me what my favorite match is or who I think is the best looking diva in WWF/E history, anything that comes to mind. Also send me any feedback about today’s column or any of my past columns. Enjoy RAW and Smackdown and until next time this is the “Living Legend” signing off.
“Living Legend” J.P. Joyce
METS698631@aol.com
The Professor’s Classroom
By: The Professor
TheProfessor11@hotmail.com
Spin Off The F5!
(Thanks to the National Weather Service)
It’s always good to hear from you outside of class, students. Your distinguished faculty here at the Powerbomb Institute of the Net (PIN) is never quite sure of our class attendance from week to week. I really wasn’t sure after our last class, when I reviewed Sex, Lies, and Headlocks. But then I received an email which called me a &%$!ing idiot. Thank heavens…I didn’t think anyone read it!
I am about halfway through Lillian Ellsion’s new book Moolah, which I hope to bring up in a few weeks. In the meantime, students, we have a serious discussion for today, a discussion of a subject that nobody has really mentioned. It’s been bothering me more and more every week, and I believe that it’s about time to get it out in the open.
It’s about a problem with WWE’s Undisputed (soft of, except for HHH) Champion, Brock Lesnar.
No, it’s not a problem with his wrestling. In fact, I think he’s done remarkably well for a guy who has had such a heavy push from Day 1. He’s beginning to get heat from crowds, even some face pops. He could use an acting lesson or two, maybe, and we’ve only heard him speak on rare occasions. But he’ll learn. And in the meantime, Paul Heyman is a more than adequate mouthpiece for him.
No, the problem isn’t any of that. The problem is Brock’s finishing move, the F5.
The source for this move’s name is the dreaded F5 tornado, the most highly damaging tornadoes in existence. They are highly feared here in the United States, which has more tornadoes than any other country on the planet. An F5 tornado, with wind speeds that scientists still really don’t know for sure, can easily remove an entire house completely from its foundation, and can decimate large areas. I remember in my childhood when the town of Xenia, Ohio was completely wiped out by an F5 tornado. And there is no known way to stop such a tornado that wouldn’t cause worse damage (i.e. a hydrogen bomb).
But how devastating is Brock Lesnar’s F5 finishing move? Brock spins someone around at shoulder height, and then lets them fall — he doesn’t even drive them into the mat with all of that strength that he has. And so, we are to believe that wrestlers who can jump off the top of a cage without mussing their hair, who can take a Last Ride from Taker and kick out, who can take two Rock Bottoms and kick out, are suddenly going to be knocked into submission after a three-foot fall? In the words of the senior Senator from West Virginia, who do we think we’re kidding? I know we’re supposed to suspend disbelief, but aren’t the moves supposed to at least look halfway credible? The F5 wouldn’t put away Britney Spears. Spike does more damage with the Dudley Dog. What a stupid-looking, wussy way to finish a match. When people see us mark out on such idiocy, it’s no wonder that they feel a need to remind us that wrestling is fake.
Now I know why that dopey move is really called the F5 – it stands for Flawed, Foolish, Feeble, Feckless, and Fake.
So, students, our task is clear. Brock Lesnar needs a new finishing move, and he needs it fast.
Now, he can’t use the Pile Driver or the Vertibreaker—those two moves require VinnieMac’s special permission on a case-by-case basis, and I doubt he’d give someone as inexperienced as Brock the green light.
Brock can actually perform a Shooting Star Press, but that doesn’t really fit his style. The way your Professor figures it, a big, strong guy like Brock needs (a) a submission-type move, or (b) a power-type move. And since we can’t trust WWE’s writers to come up with anything useful (they’re already looking to hire more writers), we’ll have to do it ourselves. Here are some possibilities:
The F6. Worse than the worst tornado. It’s just a slight fix-up of the F5. After the spin, Brock military-presses his opponent over his head. He drops them, but on the way down he puts his hands on the top and forcibly shoves them into the mat. A convincing-looking power move. (As to how he would military press someone like Big Show or Rikishi over his head, well, I can’t solve all of his problems.)
The Brock and Sock. Mick Foley isn’t around anymore, so why not bring back the Mandible Claw? (Complete with Mr. Socko, of course.) With Brock’s hand strength, it would totally incapacitate his opponents. They’d be slurring their words for an hour afterward. And when the inevitable break with Paul Heyman finally comes, imagine Brock slapping the Mandible Claw on Paul in mid-phrase. Or on Stephanie.
The Brock Breaker. Since Brock has a substantial amateur wrestling background, why not draw on that? I have re-named a well-known but illegal amateur move known as the “can opener.” Essentially, you wrap your legs around one of the opponent’s legs, wrap your arms around the other leg, and make a wish. Now, if you have a small, very flexible opponent like a Rey Mysterio, it may not work, as he can probably do a split easily. But for a heavyweight, it would be extremely painful and difficult, if not impossible, to break. If you wrestle Rey, you just go back to the F6 or the Brock and Sock.
The Brocking Chair. Brock steps on his opponent’s back, grabs one arm, grabs the opposite leg, and rocks them back and forth on their stomach while pulling upward and applying pressure. The opponent, in an awkward position, must submit or have his spine snap, which could ruin his whole day. Ouch!
The Brockoli Casserole. Brock throws an opponent into the corner, runs in with a shoulder, and repeatedly drives that shoulder into them until they’re “cooked,” and they submit or pass out.
The Next Big Hand. Brock magically reaches into his opponent’s chest and rips out his heart…oh, sorry, that was an old Indiana Jones movie…
There you have it, students. Brock can take his pick, start using a dynamic finisher, and he really WILL be the next big thing. VinnieMac, of course, will be sending me a generous royalty check any day now…
Class dismissed.
— The Professor —
PIN Phony Rumor of The Week: HHH and Stephanie in bizarre love triangle with Spike Dudley! A furious Vince threatens to join them! (Thanks to PacSuczz)
(Email to TheProfessor11@hotmail.com. Feel free to submit possibilities for the Phony Rumor of the Week. If your rumor is used in the Classroom, you will win a free mirage of your choice. Desert sold separately.)
The Professor
TheProfessor11@hotmail.com
Linda’s Thoughts
By: Linda Robin
lvaccarp@hotmail.com
Loved the Smackdown main event in fact loved just about he whole show. For me I enjoyed both shows this week and yeah again Smackdown was the better of the two. There’s so little to knock about last night’s show, but let me get rid of the things I thought were the low parts of Smackdown.
Of course Billy and Chuck’s marriage proposal is number 1 on my list. First of all who the hell cares about these two doing a gay angle? Yeah it’s been hinted since they started but you know what? They are so not over, hey I sound like Edge/Christian from the good old days, anyway why take these two that fans were don’t care about and focus on some stupid angle about a same sex marriage. Hey I’m not going to waste my time on this so-called angle, I could care less about a wedding next week, and also it’s so sad that WWE.COM is making this so major on their site. I can only hope that next week the whole thing ends. Also I would like to add the match with Rey Mysterio vs. Billy was ok, thanks to Rey, but not a typical Mysterio match, again good just not what I expected to see.
Mark Henry vs. Tajiri, to be honest with you I didn’t pay attention to the match. Vince feels he has to keep Mark Henry, then find him someone of his equal to wrestle. Seeing Tajiri job to him is just totally ridiculous. D-Von vs. Batista not a bad match, but as I always say D-Von’s gimmick is a total turn off and I can’t get into his matches. I do like the way Batista is trying to pump up the audience, I just think he needs to work with someone else. Also back to the wedding crap. Steph tells D-Von he has to be out there. My question is, Why? Again end the gimmick. I would like to see D-Von given a chance to show he has a lot more to offer than what Vince has given him on Smackdown.
I thought other than what I mentioned above there were some amazing matches. My two favorites had to be Randy Orton vs. Brock Lesnar and the 6-man tag team main event match with Taker/Edge/Rikishi vs. Guerrero/Benoit and Angle. I’ll talk about the main event in a minute. But the match with Orton and Brock for me was fantastic. I thought these two had chemistry that was just off the page. I guess that’s because these two have worked together in OVW. I’m telling you both looked absolutely great out there but for me Randy really made this match unbelievable. I think he brought the best out in Brock and truthfully this is where I wish Brock were right now. I feel these two totally will top Brock vs. Taker. I could be wrong but as of now their match was MY FAVORITE of the night.
The main event with all those guys I mentioned was great. Rikishi in there puzzled me at first, but he fit in perfectly. Every guy in that match complimented the other. Just a great match and Eddie at the end being surrounded by all the faces was classic. A really nice way to end the show. Ok those were my two favorite matches but also I really liked watching Bob Holly vs. Matt Hardy. Now let me tell you when Matt was backstage with Shannon Moore acting like a jerk I truly didn’t like him at all. I’m hating his Mattatude character. But when he got in the ring with Holly I can’t tell you how much I loved the match. This match made Hard-Core Holly look so damn good out there, they both did and I truly enjoyed it. I also liked Noble vs. Shannon Moore and Crash the newest member of Smackdown vs. Helms was a good one as well. I still feel the Hurricane character is totally senseless but it still continues.
So as you can see the matches were really entertaining, as was the mic work. Edge and Rikishi had a nice little conversation in the back and Angle well what can I say about Angle, his anger toward Chris Benoit was funny and you know that these two are going head on very soon. I guess that would turn Kurt into a face, which will probably be the start of Kurt opposing Brock in the very near future. My friend Stephanie kept her TV appearance to a minimum and I thank her for that. I did feel her being the moderator for Taker and Brock was kind of weak but hey she has to show up, at least she was a little more low keyed last night.
And the interaction between Taker and Brock was ok, not great just ok. I still feel Brock needs some work on his mic work. He does better in the ring talking then when it’s backstage. Taker I thought did a nice job, but I expected that, there are times when a face Taker can really get over on the mic with me. Last night might not have been his strongest performance but it was still good. Heyman got things going by bringing up a pregnant Sara. He managed to irritate Taker with his nasty little comments this is what got things going between Taker and Brock. A nice ending but I hate seeing Sara brought up, again it seems that in order to heat up things Taker’s personal life has to be thrown in. Well again let’s see how things unfold.
Well one match so far for Unforgiven, Taker vs. Brock. I would imagine that on Monday’s Raw and Thursday’s Smackdown a lot more matches will be added. I know a lot of feedback this week was totally against Raw, but I liked it and I really liked Smackdown. By the way ratings really went down for Raw, and it has me very concerned with Monday Night Football returning. I’m hoping that Vince realizes how bad things are and on Monday night Raw pleases just about everyone.
Linda Robin
lvaccarp@hotmail.com
The Anti-Antagonist
By: Adam Gorzelsky
Arg34net@aol.com
The Invasion Angle Fan Club
Hello and welcome to the third edition of The Anti-Antagonist. Yes for a third week in a row I am here to turn them frowns upside down and bring a little positivity to a world of well, negativity. See don’t you feel better after reading just one sentence, imagine how you’ll feel by the end. If you haven’t been able to tell yet, I’m as happy this week as we all are when the Big Show doesn’t appear on TV because unlike my first week of writing, I finally got some feedback. Hooyah!! I guess as my neighbor would say, “every fat hog gets his ass greased;” now I’m not really sure what he means by that but I’m sure that it fits this situation. So keep the feedback coming and I’ll keep you guys happy by ending this intro. See, making the world a better place one column at a time.
Now, I talked about feedback in the intro and this week if I get feedback I have a feeling that 95% of it will be death threats and or mail bombs. You see, this week’s topic is, brace yourself, about the positive aspects of the Invasion Angle. Now I know this happened a long time ago, in fact a year, but I still feel the need to talk about it because well, what do you care why. So hold back your rage and please refrain from throwing things at the monitor; just sit back and enjoy this positive perspective on possibly the most widely criticized angle in WWF/E history.
Let’s start off with the point that every fan argues when regarding the Invasion Angle. Everyone feels that it should have been the biggest angle in the history of wrestling because it had been every fan’s dream to see WWF vs. WCW. Well let’s put this into perspective very quickly, if that had been the WCW from 2 years before when they dominated the WWF in ratings, then it would have been every fan’s dream; however, it wasn’t that WCW. It was the WCW that was getting dismal ratings and was resorting to making David Arquette their heavyweight champion. There was no Sting available, there was no Goldberg, or even a high-powered NWO. There were a few stars like DDP and Booker T and then there were the others that many WWF fans never heard of.
WCW was no threat from the beginning and you can’t blame that on Vince or any of the writers. Simply put, WCW had died a year before Vince even bought the company and there was really no hope for the angle from the start. Why do you think ECW was thrown into the mix? The majority of the major players in the invasion were either newcomers to the WWF from ECW such as RVD, or ECW wrestlers that had already spent substantial time in the WWF like Rhyno or The Dudleys. Bottom line is that WCW had only a few wrestlers to offer, definitely not what they had two years before.
Now, I agree that had Vince put extreme effort into this angle it could have been much more successful. He could have held it off until he got some bigger names signed or used each wrestler from the two factions to completely emphasize the war between the companies. That would have worked for the angle, but what would happen when the angle inevitably came to an end. The WWF/E would have been stuck with wrestlers who had no character development other than being pro-alliance. That is the sort of booking that many internet writers bitch about, booking short term angles instead of looking for long term angles, yet the Invasion Angle is still so widely criticized. So, instead of just focusing every alliance wrestler on battling the WWF, Vince took the path of using the angle to develop individual characters. This is the most important aspect of the angle and I feel that it made the angle successful.
Rob Van Dam was pretty well known when he first debuted on WWF television. Even though most casual wrestling fans or die-hard WWF marks didn’t watch ECW, it was hard not to know of or appreciate the talent that he possessed. He entered as a member of the alliance and quickly won the support of the fans despite the fact that he was with the heel faction. Rob serves as a perfect example of my point. Should Vince have chosen to keep the angle strictly alliance vs. WWF, we would have never gotten to see the feud between he and follow alliance member Stone Cold Steve Austin. The angle allowed the WWF and the fans to see if RVD had the right stuff to be a main eventer and easily set the stage for his immense popularity in the federation today.
Booker T. entered the federation as a huge star. He was the WCW champion and expected to get a huge reaction from WWF fans. He however, exemplified why the angle couldn’t have been extremely successful. Even though he was the champ, nobody cared. He got little to no reaction from the crowd and his matches were to put it nicely, boring. It wasn’t until he was given his comic relief gimmic that he began to be successful. You know, the 5 time WCW champ thing that everybody whined about because it made the alliance come off as not being a threat. Gee, what happened less than a year later? Booker’s popularity skyrocketed because of that simple hand thing with the spin-a-rooni. Again, Vince didn’t care about huge success of the angle, but instead cared about developing Booker and it definitely worked.
Finally, Stone Cold Steve Austin benefited the most from this “unsuccessful angle.” The WWF had milked the Stone Cold Steve Austin badass gimmick for all that it was worth. Steve needed a new character and the leader of the alliance fit perfectly into what he needed. We saw a new, enjoyable side of Stone Cold and he definitely served as a guide to those newcomers to the federation. He gave the rub to RVD, as mentioned earlier, and even gave Tazz one last shot at being a tough guy. And who couldn’t love the Austin appreciation night…lol……it was just a joy to watch anything that he was involved with each week and it set the stage for one last badass run before his life crumbled before our eyes.
So you see, the Invasion Angle wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t what everyone expected it to be, but you have to consider everything that would have had to go into making the angle that successful. The WWF would have had to sacrifice the development of many talented superstars and jeopardize their futures in the federation. However, by choosing the path that the WWF did take for the angle, these stars got the chance to excel in their own way and plan more for their future in the WWF/E than just simply the Invasion Angle. So next time, instead if criticizing the angle for what it could have been, think about what it did accomplish and how that has affected the recent success of the WWF/E.
Well, that about wraps it up for today. Be sure to check out the newest section here at TBL, Pardon the Ring. It’s a lot of hard work for Martin and I and we would appreciate hearing from you readers. I would also like to hear from you regarding this column as always. So, that’s all for me this week, it’s been fun, but until next time, this is Adam Gorzelsky, The Anti-Antagonist, signing off.
Adam Gorzelsky
Arg34net@aol.com
A Dusty Finish
By: Mike Hamflett
michael@hamflett.freeserve.co.uk
Elevator music this week comes from Coldplay, and their new album “A Rush of Blood to the Head”. It’s not been out of my CD Player since I bought it, as every single track gets better with every listen. Standout tracks ‘God Put A Smile Upon Your Face’, ‘The Scientist’ and ‘A Rush Of Blood To The Head’ are great examples of how they manage to write tracks, as if they were writing for you personally. Its encouraging to note how great this band really is, considering they have all of this quality music, and this is not even their best album.
Well good afternoon, good evening, good night, or good morning to you all, wherever you are, and at whatever time you’re reading this. I would issue greetings in other languages, but people who don’t speak English should learn to, ignorant pigs.
With that mildly politically incorrect opening finally erased from everybody’s memories, we can trundle on with this weeks intro. I’ve been back at College this week, and boy, it really doesn’t change a bit. Part of me was looking forward to going back, because this holiday has been a little stressful (and dragged and dragged, for that matter), but halfway into my first lesson, I realised that nothing had changed. It’s still hard work, it still sucks. However, there’s a College Party in a couple of weeks time, and now I’m in Upper Six, I will be one of the older students at the party, which is dedicated to the freshers. Obviously everybody ignores the fact that its for Lower Six, and goes anyway, and I’m pleased to report that I’m in that “everybody” group. Can’t wait for that, its been far too long since I was drunk. Jesus Christ, this intro has really been bad. Well, guess its because my life has reached a bit of normality again, and we all know that normality = boring. Oh well, on with the actual column now, because (be honest, all four of you), you came for that, not this garbage. I’m still rambling. I’ll stop. Good. Sorted.
This week’s column, I thought I’d choose a topic that is not neccessarily massive in the Wrestling world at the moment. A topic that is not garnering headline news after Raw’s and Smackdown’s. I’m going to give my take on The Clique. But not just any take. I’m going to decide, whether or not, it was all any use at the end of the day. Lets face it, this is pretty much the end of the day. So was everything worth it? Have The Clique prevailed. Has Vince controlled them, leading to a victory for him. Lets take a look…
First, we need to delve into the group, and their actions. The Clique were a group of wrestlers who pretty much dominated the lockerroom, and often the decisions of the bigwigs in the (then) WWF. They were a very tightnit group, with a few hanger-on’s, and were often EXTREMELY unpopular backstage. The five guys in question were Shawn Michaels, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Sean Waltman, and Paul Levesque (who joined the group when he came to the WWF in mid-95). Now, just to indicate what stroke exactly The Clique had, lets take a look at some evidence. Some may be circumstancial, and some may be fact. A lot really depends on whether you are anti-Clique or not. But this is what I have grasped from certain events.
Throughout 1994, the midcard was nicely held together by three men. Shawn Michaels, Diesel, and Razor Ramon. These three traded the IC Gold, and feuded all year. In what was otherwise an apalling field of midcarders, these three made matches watchable, and no doubt deserve credit for this. At the end of a very rocky year, Nash and Michaels (then the tag champs) split up. On the event at which this took place, Bret Hart lost the world title to Bob Backlund. Days later, Bob Backlund lost to Nash in 9 (I think) seconds, and the title was now on ‘Big Daddy Cool’s shoulder. Razor Ramon was the Intercontinental Champ, and fellow Clique buddy The 1-2-3 Kid was seemingly ONLY on TV as Razor’s sidekick, his character having lost all real feuding potential. At the start of 1995, the Royal Rumble saw Diesel hold on to the title without losing any heat, after a series of run-in’s, and in a bigger deal, saw Shawn Michaels enter the ring at Number One, and win the whole thing. Thats one hell of a way to get somebody over. Point is, Shawn Michaels was already over. Anyway, thats by the by, the important thing is, Wrestlemania had a double Main Event. The obvious thing to look at is Shawn/Diesel, but there’s bigger questions to be raised in Bam Bam Bigelow/L.T than you would think. If The Clique were making McMahon’s next move, they surely must have instigated this one. Bam Bam (someone who had problems with the group), was set to compete against, and lose to, a one shot Professional American Football Star. But hey, they can cover it up, by saying “it will get the media attention (which it did, but thats not the point) and at the same time put the shafts to someone who they didn’t like. The bottom line was, they were getting what they wanted. And what they wanted, was success for themselves, not for the business as a whole. This would happen more and more over the year.
Shawn, after losing to Diesel, then turning face, was confusingly relegated to the IC Slot. But this wasn’t REALLY relegation was it. No, because Michaels was “Diesel’s buddy” and this lead to the title being put into situations at the top of the card. Just look at the In Your House event after Summerslam, where all the titles were on the line, as World and IC Champ Shawn and Diesel took on Tag Champs Yokozuna and Owen Hart (who was absent, Davey Boy Smith took his place). In this match of course, HBK and Diesel went over. Shane Douglas, he was another man who had had some problems with The Clique. When it came time for Michaels to do the job, and pass the belt over to Douglas, Michaels used an incident that took place in Syracuse (he got the shit kicked out of him for being an asshole), and baulked out of the match, opting to hand the belt over. And who won that belt? Oh yeah! It was Razor Ramon, just TEN MINUTES AFTER HBK handed it over. Crikey, theres a coincidence. Anyway, by this time, Shawn had had his fun here, as it was blatantly obvious he was being groomed to win the big one. Back to Diesel. As a worker, he sucked ass, and his matches, had sucked ass too. Angles with the likes of Sid and King Mabel did nothing to help this either. And at the Survivor Series, it was finally decided that Diesel would lose the gold, and shockingly, it was to Bret Hart. Now we ALL know that Bret & Shawn aren’t exactly the best of friends, and evidence of this rift is clear when you look at what Bret did that year. He had a played out feud with Bob Backlund, that lead him to a dull midcard clash at Wrestlemania, the granddaddy of ’em all. He resurrected his war with Jerry Lawler, which, while always thouroughly entertaining, showed no signs of any particular progress. And we can’t forget about the upshot of that feud. Issac Yankem DDS, the evil dentist, was what Bret Hart was doing at Summerslam. Razor and HBK were tearing the house down in a ladder match on that night. Who looks good and who looks bad there? And finally, just before the Survivor Series, Bret entered into a stupid feud with Jean-Pierre Lafite, who had stolen his jacket. But that was the year over. Bret was about to beat Diesel, and jesus, did he deserve it. After the match, Diesel powerbombed Bret, and reinvented his character, thus totally KILLING any heat for Bret winning the gold. Shit happens eh?
The Clique had always relied on strength in numbers, but this would become more important as 1996 rolled on. Shawn won the Rumble again, and it was obvious that they were already decided that he would defeat Bret “The Beltwarmer” Hart at Wrestlemania. Things started to come unglued for the rest of them though. Razor entered into an angle with Goldust which he was not happy with at all. He ended up losing the IC Title to the golden one. How? With The 1-2-3 Kid interfering. So hey, he still got his friend over. Vince seemed to be getting some power back though. He had Ramon and Kid have a “Crybaby” match at In Your House, in which, after Ramon won, he put Waltman in a nappy, and put talcum powder all over him. This was obviously a statement from McMahon that said he was finally putting his foot down. He had bigger fish to fry with Hall though, as he failed a drugs test, and thus began his slow phasing out altogether. The same can be said for Waltman, who was also being generally moved out of people’s way. Vince saw some money left in Nash, and he worked with The Undertaker, and for a change, did the job, clean in the middle, no questions asked. There was a good reason though. Him and Hall had signed fat ass deals with WCW, they were gone in a few months. Michaels predictably beat Hart, and then, in his angle for April feuded with…Diesel! What a shocker. Shawn went over Diesel, and on the same show, Vader destroyed Razor Ramon. Hall and Nash were gone. Waltman was injured, and would probably be on the way too. That left Shawn, and Triple H. Oh yeah, HHH, he was pretty quiet in 95 wasn’t he? He was learning. He was taking in all the ways to be a great politician. Nobody did it better than these guys, and he knew that. Anyway, after a quiet early-96, something (or someone, probably HBK) had convinced Vince to have Triple H win the King of the Ring tournament. Now, on Hall & Nash’s last night in the company, The Clique decided to be very open about the fact they were friends. It was MSG, and the now-infamous ‘Curtain Call’ incident. The four men broke kayfabe and character, and hugged and said goodbye in front of the capacity crowd. Vince was fuming at this, but who could he punish? Hall and Nash were gone, HBK was the champ, so Triple H got the raw end of the deal. He had his honours stripped of him, and it was Stone Cold Steve Austin who was picked to win the tourney.
1996 and 1997 were funny years for The Clique. Despite being over two companies (in Waltman’s case, both), they would still try and be The Clique. It’s always thought that the nWo and DX are just sub-groups of The Clique, and I agree with that. Except this time, they were doing it on camera, instead of backstage. Lets talk a little about DX. Shawn Michaels had gotten his buddy Triple H a pretty cushy deal. He was now in all of Shawn’s segments, he was involved in his angles, and got his own interview time. Triple H was VERY underwhelming as a performer, had no star power about him, and basically survived as a star (and probably an employee) because of Shawn Michaels. And when HBK was shelved in 1998, everybody thought HHH would begin the slow road downwards. But as I said, Triple H had LEARNED how to play the game now. Okay, maybe thats a little unfair. He definately upped his performances, as a Wrestler, and on the mic, but powerplays like getting Waltman back in showed that he would do his best to manipulate things his way. But he was a little smarter. He didn’t do it as obviously as it had been done before. While Hall and Nash were still being Hall and Nash in WCW, Triple H was waiting for his name to be called up for a push, but waiting patiently. As 1999 rolled around, he continued waiting, until he turned heel, and the MEGApush began. Make no mistake folks, Triple H wasn’t a star. And nobody wanted to accept him as a star. I apologise to all the fans of Triple H out there, but “The Game” is only that, because the WWF FORCED him down our throats. He near as hell murdered the whole roster. He went over “The Great One”, Mick Foley, all his DX buddies, Steve Austin, The Undertaker, and muscled in on the big Stephanie/Test angle. All of this was for his OWN good, not the good of those around him. But the thing was, by this time, people put it down to his workrate. He had waited, he had played the game well. We can’t ignore the muscle mass he added to himself over that year. I’m not going to make any libellous remarks, but you get what I think. I just don’t want to fall into one of those STEReotypical vOIDS some columnists do when discussing where the muscle mass really came from. Some try subliminal messages too. I hate that.
2000 went on just like 1999 did for all The Clique. Triple H STILL went over everybody (and had some cracking matches in the meantime like), while Hall and Nash used all the power they could to stay on top. Hell, Nash became a WCW booker in 1999, and many people credit this as the official start to the company’s decline. Triple H’s politics in the latter half of the year are actually the main reason why I don’t like the guy. It was a typical Clique move. Work for yourself, and nobody else. By going over Angle clean at Unforgiven 2000, he completely pissed all over what was easily the hottest angle of the year. Why did he do that? Because he didn’t want to lose any heat. Totally selfish. Totally Triple H. But the thing was, Triple H had got into the mind of McMahon, and actually seemingly made HIS ideas seem like the best ones. While he was in the head of Vince, he was in the bed of Stephanie, and that can’t have harmed his cause whatsoever. He was timing his jobs well (only losing when he could get his heat back from it), and as long as he kept up a good standard in the ring (which he did, for the most part) he would continue to be allowed to do the things he did. Much like Shawn Michaels in 1995 and 1996.
And that brings us nicely to 2002. You see, the start of 2002 was rather Clique-heavy. Triple H made his return, impressing suitably nobody. The nWo returned. Shawn Michaels and X-Pac would become members of said group. That meant, in this calendar year, ALL the members of The Clique had made it back onto the top stage. Had all that politicking and all those acts of unprofessionalism over the years paid off, and lead to this very moment. Well, maybe they had thought so, but it had seemed not. After having a drop of pop, Hall was fired without question. Nash has wrestled twice, looked godawful on both accounts, and injured himself, in one of the most unintensionally hilarious things I’ve ever seen. And finally, X-Pac has been fired. McMahon seems to have beaten The Clique. It took him many years, but the group as they are, have finally cracked under the true leadership of Vince McMahon.
Yeah…right.
One man was the leader of The Clique. One man followed that leader, and made everybody else his very own Clique. One man was the most famous for throwing tantrums, baulking out of jobs, and other incidents. One man has done all of those things, simply to SUSTAIN HIS position, despite all the times it may have harmed business. One man, was Shawn Michaels. One man, was Triple H. Tell me this, which two wrestlers had the match of the night at the WWE’s best PPV in over a year. See, The Clique hadn’t lost at all. They just lulled McMahon into a false sense of security. By being in The Clique, they showed that they wanted to be the best. You think that doesn’t mean selling out your friends if you have to?? Nash is gone for now, pah, so what. X-Pac fired? No walkouts from anyone was there. Hall was fired..Nash didn’t say a word. Now there are only two. At Summerslam, they both worked as hard as possible to help get each other over. And they both did. Triple H layed down, and he doesn’t do that all that often now does he. But EVEN jobbing to Shawn, his best bud, can’t just be let off. No, he has to get his heat back, so he sledgehammers the fuck out of him, and all it does is establishes Triple H that little bit more. See, the moral of the story is, at the end of the day, these guys are in it for Number 1. Friends they may be, but they value their own career that little bit more. They will help out buddies, as long as it doesn’t hurt them. And this is what happened. The Clique HAVE won. Sure, right now, theres only one man standing. But what is he doing? He’s dominating every show he’s on, and being given a World Title. As stated, he’s also banging the head writer, so he’s obviously got a connection there, so to speak. But the way Triple H goes about business, is exactly the way The Clique went about business, exactly the way he was TAUGHT to do things.
And there you go. For as long as you want to kick your TV because you’re so bored of watching “The Game”, and his shite matches, (and for that matter, Shawn Michaels, depending on how much they use him), just think, not until the last one of them has been fired, blackballed, or injured beyond repair, will it change. Years of work put in by five selfish guys has left us here. All we can do is live with it.
See you next week.
Mike Hamflett
michael@hamflett.freeserve.co.uk
Rounding the Squared Circle
By: Sam Jerry
SamJerry@aol.com
“MY DADDY DONE TOLD ME”
OR
“NEVER START VAST PROJECTS WITH HALF VAST IDEAS”
BY SAMJERRY
VISIT MY HOME PAGE: http://members.aol.com/~samjerry
Back when I was just a little SamJerry, I used to sit on my daddy’s knee on the back porch of our mansion in Beautiful Downtown Lower Dudleyville (It was the most beautiful doublewide you ever laid eyes on). It was here that he gave me my first lessons in life. He said, “Little SamJerry, ‘Never pee into the wind;’ ‘Never tug on Superman’s Cape;’ ‘Be kind to all animals, especially the dumb ones with antlers, after all he might be related to Bullwinkle;’ ‘Never talk poorly about the biggest bad ass in the yard;’ and most importantly, ‘If you ever become a Internet wrestling writer, develop your own style of writing, and don’t ever use another persons gimmick.” My daddy was a wise man and I learned the lessons in life he taught me. After daddy passed, my mother sent our Mansion to the Dudleyville County Junk Yard. Last I heard, Jamie Knoble moved into it where i! t stood. It sits atop his mud hole in Not-So-Beautiful Upper Dudleyville.
But I digress, taking a quick look at what has happened in the past week we find:
1. Godzilla has left the building, or at least RAW. After HHH became the No. 1 Contender, and getting an extra special kiss from The Princess, Paul E. Turdburd took Godzilla and signed exclusively with The Princess on SmackDown, thus stiffing HHH (a reversal of how things usually go) out of his Title shot. Not to worry, Good Old Eric (GOE) came up with his own WCW Championship and made HHH the Champion. NITRO has returned!
2. The Taker, fresh from losing The WWE No. 1 Contender Match to HHH, also took his bike and went to SmackDown. There he promptly won a No. 1 Contender Match by beating Our Lovable American Zero and Canadian Crybaby No. 2. In the space of four days (two in dog years), The Taker lost and won the same Match. Not an easy thing to do, except in WWE Land.
3. GOE received a phone call telling him that one of the guys on NITRO, who has a relative on SmackDown, was also pulling up stakes. Being smarter than the average bear, GOE figured out it was Jeffery Hardy and promptly had The Island Boyz tear him two new rear exits. Then GOE finds out that Crash is the one leaving. Poor Jeffery, beaten up because he has a brother working for The Princess.
If you were on vacation last week, a scorecard wont help. The players are changing faster than Paul Wright can eat a Pizzeria.
Since The Taker has as much chance of beating Godzilla as The Rock did, the next PPV is a given. The Wall With Legs, called me and said he didn’t like that name and threatened to stuff me into The Right Reverend DeVon Collection Box. Fearing no man, I gave him the Stone Cold Salute. Since he knows I believe he is the only living thing that stands a chance against Godzilla, he’s allowing me to live. So until you hear that Godzilla will face The Wall, there wont be any Title changes.
Another thing daddy taught me was to quit while I’m ahead, or at least still in the race.
Sam Jerry
SamJerry@aol.com
Mark My Words
By: Martin Hawrysko
Hawrysko2003@hotmail.com
Raw, WWE problems, TNA X Division PPV special, rants, and more
Hello, hello, and welcome back to Mark My Words, the news based opinion column found exclusive at The Balrog’s Lair. Going back to last week’s column, it’s a good thing I didn’t promise I would have a weekend report because I obviously never got to it. Those that have read my work regulary elsewhere know I am usually very good with updating, but there is a lot going on right now, and I honestly can’t say thing will get any easier. My goal is to make this a weekend column, but it may turn out that I can only do this during the week if all else fails. I didn’t want to turn this first paragraph into a short story, so with that said, let’s get started.
Raw this week was pretty disappointing in a lot of ways. Before the WWE roster split, I assumed both rosters would have it’s own world champion. That was not the case, and I always believed that is how they should have done it. The WWE decided to go that route, but I do not like it now that it is happened. My main problem is that I do not understand how WWE can expect the old WCW title belt which is now the World Title to be an equal to the Undisputed title that Lesnar now has. If I remember right, the old WCW title was unifide with the old WWF title to make the Undisputed title belt. That just doesn’t make sense. They should have at least made a brand new belt for whoever the champion would have been. So Raw has the World Heavyweight Title belt, the Smackdown belt surely can’t continue to be called the Undisputed title can it? That question coming from someone who believed after Brock Lesnar won the title, he would no longer be labeled as “the next big thing.”
My next problem with Monday night is, they gave the World Title to none other than Triple H. The year 2000 was Triple H, and most of 2000 was a great year. Triple H back then was fresh, great on the mic, and great in the ring. Now, he is slower due to his quad injury (not his fault), and though I’m sure his mic skills haven’t changed, I find him to be boring when he speaks (maybe cause he always says the same old things). I don’t find him too entertaining, so when HHH wrestled Undertaker two weeks ago on Raw to make a main event, I am not a happy person. I don’t want to stop seeing Triple H all together, but when he is on the program as much as he was this past Monday night, that becomes too much. I would much rather see guys like Rob Van Dam, Tommy Dreamer, Kane, Booker T, and even Chris Jericho in the main event scene as well.
The Undertaker going to Smackdown drew no interest from me as well. I just don’t understand why WWE is so into pushing the older stars in the last year or two. Years ago, it was WWE pushing the younger stars to the top while WCW kept the wheelchair participants in the main events. Now WWE is doing nearly the same thing, with me going as far as saying Hulk Hogan being Undisputed Champion was a huge joke.
Anyways, in light of my rants about WWE, Dave Scherer of 1Wrestling reports that many WWE officials backstage are becoming aware of the recent problems in the company. Raw has been the show which involves more “entertainment” than the wrestling, which was the formula used in the late 1990’s, which got WWE to the top. That concept many believe just doesn’t work anymore, which shows why Smackdown (the show that pushes less “entertainment”) has gotten better reviews in recent months. Vince McMahon of all people is one of those people that believes Raw is the better program of the two and may be relucant to change anything about it. However, with more and more people backstage apparantely disagreeing with Vince McMahon, and the financial numbers being down for the company, it may be soon that we see a change to the way that Raw is ran.
There is talk backstage in WWE that Shawn Michaels may be wrestling some more matches in the future. While he has never mentioned that he would wrestle again, it is not out of the question, even though the final decision is up to him. Michaels was said to be very pleased with his Summerslam match. His attitude concerning his Summerslam match may be viewed from two different sides however. One one side, Michaels may have been pleased with his match so much that he would believe he has some left in him for a few more matches. The other side would obviously be, because his match at Summerslam was a great one, that would be his chance to go out on top. To me, the latter makes more sense, but only Michaels knows what he wants, and the promo he made on Monday night definately shows that if he wants to come back, that he certainly can.
Kevin Nash in the last month has been keeping an online diary of his rehab process on his official website. Included are pictures of him while in rehab and his own thoughts. Part five is now available which you may see by clicking this link.
Tonight, the NWA-TNA will have a special X-Division Pay-Per-View featuring many of the greatest X Division matches since TNA made it’s debut. For those who have not watched TNA before, tonight is the perfect night to order and see what the promotion is all about. The X Division matches are among some of the greatest matches in wrestling today and you won’t see anything like it in WWE, unforunately.
TBL Headlines reporter Kevin Malton reports the following…
– Crash Holly is going to be working the cruiserweight division as part of the Smackdown brand. Crash is in the best physical shape of his career and has been praised by management for remaining dedicated and optimistic despite not having much TV time at all lately.
– The pencilled in Undertaker vs Brock Lesnar match for Unforgiven could be scrapped due to poor crowd reaction. This wouldn’t be the first time that The Undertaker has been pulled from a PPV main event due to lack of fan interest. Basically, the Unforgiven main event could be altered based on how much heat (if any) the feud gets tonight at the Smackdown tapings.
TBL Headlines reporter Bob Magee reports the following…
– PHILADELPHIA- RF Video presents Ring Of Honor will have the two biggest weeks in its existence spanning September 21st to October 5th with shows on both those dates at the Murphy Recreation Center in South Philadelphia. Tickets are now on sale for both events at RFVideo.com, ROHwrestling.com or by calling 215-891-9404. For bus trip info from Queens, NY to both shows email Agentclpt@aol.com and from Boston email ProWrestlingTours@hotmail.com.
– October 5th will be ROH’s first annual Glory By Honor event. Two main event matches have already been signed for this huge event. In a rematch from their “Road To The Title” classic it will be Doug Williams vs. American Dragon, but this time it will be 2/3 falls. A non-sanctioned, non-title Fight Without Honor will pit Low Ki vs. The Prophecy’s hired assassin Samoa Joe. Low Ki will not defend the ROH title here because this is a non-sanctioned bout and he is already defending the championship two weeks earlier against Xavier on September 21st. The Ring Of Honor champion is not required to defend the title on every show.
– September 21st will see the first Ring Of Honor tag team champions crowned in an eight team one night tournament.
– One bracket has James Maritato & Tony Mamaluke vs. Ikuto Hidaka & Dick Togo as well as Chris Daniels & Donovan Morgan vs. Jose & Joel Maximo.
– The other bracket has Paul London & Spanky vs. Divine Storm as well as Da Hit Squad vs. The Natural Born Sinners.
– Other matches signed for 9/21 include American Dragon vs. Steve Corino, Takao Omori vs. Mike Modest and Jay Briscoe vs. The Amazing Red. Also scheduled to appear are Michael Shane, Simply Luscious, The Christopher Street Connection with Allison Danger, The Carnage Crew, Scoot Andrews, Rudy Boy Gonzalez and others!!!
– Ring Of Honor will never be the same after these two weeks and two shows. With the start of High Impact TV every Tuesday at midnight on WGTW Channel 48 out of Philadelphia the issues are sure to explode. Be there on both September 21st and October 5th to see the hardest-hitting, highest-flying, most athletic action going today on what promises to be two unforgettable events.
The Wrestling Observer has unfortunately reported that Mike Lima, a former promoter for WCW and the XWF has passed away this morning due to a heart attack. He was only 42 years of age. In what is indeed a sad situation, we here at The Balrog’s Lair wish his family and friends well while going through these hard times.
That will end this week’s report. Before I head on out, I want to mention something to those who are fans of TPWW.net readers. In the last month, I have devoted most of my online time to TBL, and being able to get away with that since there was nothing to update at TPWW. With the top ten columnist and N&R writer back, updates will continue once again at TPWW.net. Of course if you visit TPWW, don’t forget to come back to TBL :-). Again, I’m not sure if I will have a column this weekend or not, if I don’t, then you can expect one during the middle of next week. Until next time, I am out, later.
Martin Hawrysko
Hawrysko2003@hotmail.com
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Copyright © 1999 – 2002 Joe Vincent
