Hello once again my minions. This babbling is about our upcoming PPV, SummerSlam. You see, this is a big event for your humble Owner of The Balrog’s Lair – it’s my FIRST Pay-Per-View event! As a matter of fact, this is my first televised event of any kind. So needless to say, I’m greatly looking forward to this PPV like none before it.
So as far as what this article is going to contain – I thought that I would do what I do best and do something different. Instead of going over the matches and what not, I’m going to be going over the matches for this upcoming event, but rather the entourage that I am going to be attending with! If you don’t care for learning about who I’m going to be going with, then now would be the time to look at something else or go read something else. Otherwise…here we go!
JOE
Age: 21
Job: Real Estate Management / College Student
I stand to get a good deal out of this event (such as shirts and toys and what not). I think that this is really going to be a great time for everyone who is going!
UNCLE AJ
Age: 40 something
Job: Postal Worker / Union Executive
My uncle was at the first SummerSlam and he rubs that in our faces whenever he can! Some of the LONG-TIME readers of this site might remember him from the early days of the Trivia on our site (he had some ridiculous questions). He was in charge of getting tickets and travel arrangements for SummerSlam. He’s pretty good at calling matches so I have to see whether or not he’s going to get them right or not this time!
COUSIN MATT
Age: 21
Job: Sales Associate at The Wiz
Besides the fact that I bought my new LCD monitor from him last weekend, I think that Matt will have a great time at this event! Ok, that made no sense, but hey…whatever! Matt has been a wrestling fan all of his life and even had a ridiculous collection of those LJN wrestling figurines that are being sold on eBay these days. I expect Matt to be marking out for The Rock as I sit there and cheer for the man, Brock Lesnar! Matt recently got re-into wrestling again and I take him as a good indicator as to what the general public feels towards wrestling. He’s usually dead-on-balls accurate with his ideas about wrestling as far as what happens in the near future (for instance he’s been saying for years that as much as they push Test, he’s not going to get on top).
COUSIN DAVE
Age: 23
Job: Automotive Specialist
Dave is a fair-weather fan who has recently been enamored by the wrestling scene. He’s always up for a good trip somewhere and where better to go than SummerSlam? I expect him to get the most out of the event since he’s not been heavily involved in wrestling like the internet community, for example.
BROTHER CHRIS
Age: 14
Job: High School Student
My little brother is a wrestling freak (I think I might be partly to blame for that). He’s turning into an encyclopedia as far as recent history goes. I know he’ll love this PPV. His latest wrestling event was the return of Eric Bischoff (little bastard got to go and I didn’t!).
NEIGHBOR MIKE
Age: 22
Job: Old Folks’ Home Assistant
Mike has worked on the website before under the guise of “Iggy” and he wrote a column back then. Always good for a laugh or a random wrestling quote out of nowhere, I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like to sit at SummerSlam with him as we watch the Next Big Thing beat the crap out of The Rock.
MATT HEALING
Age: 20
Job: Works for his Uncle
Those of you who frequent The Balrog’s Lair know that Matt is our Trivia man. I met Matt through the internet as well as through the fact that he is a brother in my fraternity! We go to the same college (in case you couldn’t get that). Matt is a wrestling fanatic so I expect him to have a really great time at the PPV.
FRATERNITY BROTHER DON
Age: 20
Job: Feeds Birds at the Zoo
Don is just like Matt Healing (except that he doesn’t work for the site). He is another wrestling fanatic who wore a complete Triple H get-up to a Greek Week basketball practice (VERY funny). Whether he is playing the part of Don Flamenco (Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out) or pecking at some McDonald’s, Don’s a big fan of wrestling.
So now that I’m sure I’ve even made Sam Jerry take a second look at this mess that I call an entourage, I shall take my leave. I’ll be in Section 216 if anyone wants to even dare get near my family while wrestling is on! I’ll talk to you all through this column soon!
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